Dating an INTP can be both surprising and exciting because of how spontaneous they can be. In the world of personalities, an INTP is an unpredictable wild card that loves to philosophize and shake things up daily. You probably already know that INTPs love spontaneity, so you can expect every day to be different. At some point, your INTP will catch you off guard and change things up, so you’ll need to learn to expect that. INTPs tend to be laid back and are faithful partners that don’t usually commit infidelity.

If you are currently dating an INTP, and you’re trying to learn a bit more about them, then you’ve come to the right place. We’ll cover ten things you need to know about INTPs if you are in a relationship with one.

1. INTPs Need an Intellectual Equal
INTPs need a partner that is their intellectual equal. Since INTPs tend to be cerebral, they won’t be looking for an intense emotional connection. Instead, they enjoy bonding over discussions and debates. INTPs want a partner that can challenge them whenever there is an intense discussion.

Since INTPs often dismiss the necessity of emotions in romantic relationships, that can sometimes harm their emotional connections. Unfortunately, INTPs don’t have much interest or skill when it comes to sharing emotions and bonding over feelings. INTPs fear their emotions. You’ll only see the INTP’s emotions expressed when they are very stressed, or when they experience an outburst.

So, since you are dating an INTP, you’ll need to be understanding whenever your INTP experiences an outburst or has difficulty with his or her emotions. If you can do that, then you’ll be able to help your INTP, and your INTP will forever respect you.

2. INTPs Don’t Express Emotions Verbally
INTPs don’t enjoy addressing their emotions so they won’t verbalize them much. However, they’ll still perform thoughtful actions for their partners. For example, an INTP is more likely to hold your hand or surprise you with a gift to show that they love you rather than saying it. For an INTP’s partner, this could present a problem, especially if the partner needs to hear those three little words, “I love you,” daily. INTPs prefer to show their love through their actions rather than their words and enjoy spending long bouts of quality time with their partners.

3. INTPs Don’t Enjoy Social Situations
Most INTPs aren’t big on socializing and tend to be homebodies. Instead of dealing with large crowds of people, an INTP would rather be at home watching a fascinating documentary or learning something new. Because INTPs aren’t very socially active, it can limit their ability to find romance since most INTPs are happy spending time at home.

Many INTPs require time at home, so they have their necessary alone time. Being around people all day at work often wears them out and makes them less likely to want to go out in the evenings. So, most INTPs meet their partners through work or friends. It takes a lot of time for an INTP to decide if they want more than a friendship from a potential partner.

4. INTPs Enjoy Keeping Things Interesting
If you’re going to keep your INTP happy, then you need to figure out a way to make things interesting. If things get too stagnant for an INTP, then your INTP might find the relationship too dull. INTPs crave new things and find a routine life to be boring. While all INTPs appreciate some things staying consistent, like communication and spending time with their partners, a daily routine is not essential for them. So, INTPs need some predictability like most people, but they don’t want things to become stale.

Since INTPs have vivid imaginations, it’s a great idea to shake up the daily routine now and then. Since INTPs enjoy intellectual stimulation, changing up their daily routine is one way to challenge them while still providing them with plenty of enjoyment. So, new activities and new topics of conversation are always welcome with INTPs.

5. INTPs Appreciate Honesty
INTPs also greatly appreciate honesty. If they catch you lying to them, you’ll lose your good reputation with them immediately. INTPs don’t enjoy holding grudges, but if you do lie to an INTP, then your INTP will probably always hold that against you. Since INTPs are relaxed and accepting individuals, they aren’t easily angered by others. However, lying is one sure-fire way to anger an INTP.

If you are honest with your INTP, they’ll return the favor as well. If you feel that your INTP is being too distant, all you have to do is tell your INTP. Then your INTP will appreciate your honesty and do whatever it takes to balance things out—like spending more time with you. However, of everything that INTPs typically value in life, truth is the most important.

6. INTPs Do Need Space
It’s not a good idea to keep asking your INTP how they are doing, or you might scare your INTP away from you. If you are a clingy person that tends to over text your partner, then you’ll need to avoid doing this if you are with an INTP. INTPs are independent introverts and need time alone. INTPs do enjoy learning, and many of them do that while they are alone. Also, many INTPs require downtime away from others to recharge. If you can respect that need, then your INTP will respect you back.

7. INTPs Enjoy Hugs
If your INTP asks you for a hug, that’s a good thing. INTPs love hugs, but they’ll only ask for a hug from somebody that they enjoy spending time with daily. Since INTPs are introverts, it can feel challenging to get acquainted with them initially. However, once you get to know your INTP, you’ll learn how fun, romantic, and silly an INTP that is comfortable with you can be.

Since INTPs aren’t excellent at expressing their love verbally, they often resort to physical touch to demonstrate their love for another. They’ll give the people they love their undivided attention, and if you return that favor, then your INTP is likely to love you forever. And, if you ever notice your INTP getting down, feel free to bolster your partner with a hug.

8. Don’t Force an INTP to Discuss Feelings
One thing you should never do to an INTP is to force him or her to discuss feelings. INTPs don’t know how to discuss their emotions verbally, and they can find it very challenging at times. If you force your INTP to vocalize feelings, you’ll see immediately that he or she isn’t that great at it. And since most INTPs know they aren’t great at it, they feel uncomfortable doing it. Instead, try to pose an open discussion and tell your INTP you won’t take things personally. Your INTP will be more likely to talk to you then.

9. Be There for Your INTP
If you want to impress your INTP, then realize that you need to be there when your INTP has a distressing emotional outburst. At that point, your INTP is trying to communicate his or her feelings, and that’s not too easy for any INTP. When an INTP has an emotional outburst, it can feel a lot like a toddler having a tantrum. However, if you are there for your INTP during a difficult time and you try to listen, then he or she will forever be in your debt.

10. View Your Relationship Like a Friendship (with Benefits)
For an INTP, hearing the word “relationship” can be a bit scary. INTPs like low-key relationships that don’t intermingle much with family and friends. That’s because it can take a long time, even several years, for an INTP to feel comfortable around somebody. So, if you can view your relationship as a friendship and let it develop and blossom, then you’ll be able to make your relationship with your INTP last a lifetime.

The post INTP Compatibility – 10 Key Findings on Relationships and Dating appeared first on BrandonGaille.com.

Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Pull Together and Some Don’t is a 2014 book by Simon Sinek. In it, he explores how some leaders are more successful when it comes to inspiring their teams and the effects of great leadership on company and organization advancement and development.

A 3 Minute Summary of the 15 Core Lessons

#1 Responsibility Comes with Caring
There are some leaders who are ostensibly responsible for the well-being of their company and employees, but they ultimately fail in this regard because they don’t care about the people they are supposed to lead. Real responsibility, argues Sinek, means caring about other people and allow yourself to get attached. Your workers will notice this and appreciate your loyalty and attention.

#2 Safety is Needed for Progress
One of the chief responsibilities of leaders is to provide safety for their workers and organization. This doesn’t necessarily mean daily or physical safety, but it means that leaders need to take the mental and physical well-being of their followers into account if they want those followers to work as best as they can. Your followers can do their best if they are worried about their paycheck, as an example.

#3 Help Your Employees Accomplish Real Things
Our brains’ dopamine centers have been hijacked over the last hundred years as technology has advanced. Now we feel accomplished from doing simple things like changing profile pictures or tweeting. Instead, it’s often more effective for a leader to assign his followers with real accomplishments or tasks that they can take true pride in.

#4 Good Leaders Provide Purpose
In addition to safety, great leaders should also inspire action in others by providing an appropriate purpose or cause. Only leaders that have real visions that can lead to true results and actual change for victory will be able to inspire their followers consistently.

#5 Visions and Goals are Different
Great leaders will need to become accustomed that creating and reaching both, but it helps to understand the big difference between these objectives. Goals are things that you can easily mark and you can see within arm’s reach, like a distance marker on a run. A vision is a more abstract thing that can become real in the future as you hit your goals. In a sense, goals are markers until the eventual ultimate vision.

#6 Personal Sacrifice is Necessary
The burden of being a good leader is heavy. It’s a lot like parenting in that it comes with personal sacrifice, which includes consistency and intensity even if you aren’t feeling up to the job on a given day. Sinek says that being a good leader means always being at the top of your game, such as maintaining your personal values and staying kind to your followers even if you are tired or frustrated.

#7 Trust is Necessary
Some leaders become managers just because they can’t trust others to do a good enough job on one task or another. But Sinek argues that this is only a way to disappointment and frustration. As an effective leader, you’ll need to learn to delegate and trust people to do their work effectively. If you’ve done your job as a teacher and inspirational manager well enough, your followers should do what they need to perfectly.

#8 Give Employees Autonomy
Related to the above takeaway, good leaders should give their employees autonomy within reason. Employees that feel like they are constantly over-managed and followers that feel that they can’t be trusted will never do the best work they can. They will subconsciously remain coddled and always look to you for assistance.

#9 Environment Should Reflect Excellence
It would be no surprise if your followers couldn’t do their best work if their environment was toxic on some level, be it physical or mental. A good leader should seek out and strive to create a healthy working space for their followers, which can be anything from an air-conditioned office to a healthy company culture.

#10 Think Big Picture
Whenever you’re practicing as a leader, your eye should be on the ultimate goal and the long-term effects of your actions and organization. Leave the short-term goals to lieutenants and your employees or workers. Always think of your next steps and progress in relation to the long-term potential of your endeavor.

#11 Don’t Follow the “Welch Way”
Sinek makes a special note of the GE leader Jack Welch, who practiced a toxic brand of short-term leadership. His profits constantly went up and down because of his irrational decision-making and he fired many of his managers to balance his financial books. This leadership style ultimately did not work out and resulted in a stressful experience for his followers.

#12 Don’t Leader Leapfrog
Sinek connects both the Welch story and the point about short-term thinking to warn leaders against the temptations of jumping from executive position to executive position. You should always take a leadership spot at an organization with the intention of being there for a long time. Focusing on boosting profits for your shareholders in the short term will ultimately end up in pain for many, and even yourself.

#13 Humans First, Numbers Second
This takeaway is especially important for those who work in sales, banking, and other number-heavy industries. A good leader in these spheres will not focus just on the bottom line numbers that their employees produce but also on the human element.

#14 Time is the Most Important Resource
Above all else, the greatest gift that you can give your followers is time. Giving them your undivided attention will not only boost your personal relationship with the employee in question but it will also allow you to keep a more accurate high on the actual workings of your company or organization. Make time for your employees and will make time for you.

#15 Control the Culture
Whether you’re on a Wall Street firm or if you run a small nonprofit, your job as the leader is to control a specific company culture that facilitates success and employee comfort. Don’t let the culture become toxic or aggressive or your followers may flee in droves.

Top 10 Quotes from Leaders Eat Last

1. “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”
2. “You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.”
3. “The true price of leadership is the willingness to place the needs of others above your own. Great leaders truly care about those they are privileged to lead and understand that the true cost of the leadership privilege comes at the expense of self-interest.”
4. “As the Zen Buddhist saying goes, how you do anything is how you do everything.”
5. “Returning from work feeling inspired, safe, fulfilled and grateful is a natural human right to which we are all entitled and not a modern luxury that only a few lucky ones are able to find.”
6. “And when a leader embraces their responsibility to care for people instead of caring for numbers, then people will follow, solve problems and see to it that that leader’s vision comes to life the right way, a stable way and not the expedient way.”
7. “It is not the genius at the top giving directions that makes people great. It is great people that make the guy at the top look like a genius.”
8. “Let us all be the leaders we wish we had.”
9. “Stress and anxiety at work have less to do with the work we do and more to do with weak management and leadership.”
10. “Children are better off having a parent who works into the night in a job they love than a parent who works shorter hours but comes home unhappy.”

Free PDF Download of the Summary to Save or Print

Go here to download the Leaders Eat First PDF Summary.

Simon Discusses Meaning of “Leaders Eat Last”

The Famous Simon Sinek Ted Talk

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If you recently took a personality test related to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) and your results labeled you as an INTP (introverted, intuitive, thinking, perceiving), you likely want to learn a little more about this personality type. INTPs are usually quiet, analytical people that enjoy being alone. INTPs like learning new things when they are by themselves, and often use their spare time to solve problems. INTPs tend to be homebodies that don’t interact with large groups of friends, but they do manage to maintain a few close relationships with people that are important to them.

To help you understand more about the INTP’s functions, we’ll cover the cognitive, shadow, and sarcastic functions below. That way, once you are done reading, you should have more personal insight into your personality type.

Cognitive Functions

Psychologist Carl Jung first suggested the idea that personality types are so varied because each personality type features different cognitive functions. The MBTI is formulated from Jung’s theory, and the hierarchical list of functions that each personality type receives predicts a person’s behavioral patterns. The dominant function, which is always listed first, has the most significant influence over a person’s personality.

However, the dominant function will receive some support from the auxiliary or second function. After that, all personalities have a tertiary function that isn’t as influential as the first two but still exists. The last cognitive function is inferior and mostly takes place at the unconscious level, but it symbolizes a point of weakness. Below we’ll break down the different cognitive functions that you’ll experience if you are an INTP.

1. Dominant Cognitive Function: Introverted Thinking
The dominant cognitive function tells us how an INTP individual receives information from the outside world. For an INTP, their dominant cognitive function is introverted thinking, and we certainly see this in INTPs when they are trying to figure out how something works. An INTP will enjoy breaking down ideas, or taking things apart and putting them back together to see how they work. INTPs are very logical and intelligent and enjoy learning. They like to analyze and do their research before they take action or form opinions about anything.

2. Auxiliary Cognitive Function: Extraverted Intuition
The auxiliary cognitive function of an INTP is extraverted intuition. INTPs demonstrate this when they explore what-if questions. Most INTPs use insight and imagination as well as experience to form ideas and opinions. They’ll spend time reviewing what they know and analyzing things, and they’ll look for patterns. Often, they’ll find a pattern and feel as if they’ve found a solution in a flash. INTPs spend much time thinking about the future and looking at things from all angles.

3. Tertiary Cognitive Function: Introverted Sensing
INTPs pay attention to detail and categorize the facts they absorb from others. As they gather up new data, they’ll compare that data to anything else they already know to search for patterns. That’s the INTP way of figuring out what might happen next. So, while the tertiary cognitive function isn’t as powerful as the first two, you’ll still see flashes of introverted sensing in an INTP.

4. Inferior Cognitive Function: Extraverted Feeling
INTPs are known to be very introverted individuals. However, when they are around people that they are comfortable with, then they can be quite outgoing. However, when they feel stressed, an INTP will shut down their emotions, and that makes it difficult for them to bond with others. When they are very stressed out, they’ll avoid feelings and rely on logic.

Sarcastic Functions

INTPs are highly intelligent, and that means they can be very sarcastic, especially when they are around other people with which they feel comfortable. INTPs can deliver such creative, sarcastic, witty phrases that many people won’t even know what hit them. On top of this, INTPs tend to have a dry sense of humor that often baffles others. An INTP can take their sarcasm down a level if they want to connect with another person, but they don’t always care to do that. For many INTPs, sarcasm helps them cope when they are in intensely frustrating or stressful situations.

Shadow Functions: When an INTP is Unhealthy or Undeveloped

Shadow functions for INTPs generally refer to an unhealthy or immature INTP that is too involved with introverted thinking. When this happens to an INTP, he or she will become isolated, harsh, and disinterested in people they usually care to be around otherwise. INTPs enjoy being blunt and honest, but that can cause them to offend others they genuinely love. INTPs want to be left alone, and they don’t want other people trying to interfere with their lives. When that happens, an INTP will do whatever it takes to be alone.

When an INTP becomes unhealthy, it’ll be noticeable because their criticism of other people will seem brutal. The INTP will always justify their actions by saying they are honest; however, there is a line between honesty and brutality when it comes to words. Unhealthy INTPs also don’t like being told what to do, and they may show little interest in working with groups or meeting deadlines. All of that is not going to help them much in their work environments.

INTPs that fall into these patterns are unhealthy because they may have experienced an unhealthy childhood or traumatic life event that made it difficult to express their functions correctly. That usually means they were neglected and never had an excellent example for guidance.

1. Warped Extraverted Intuition
INTPs can suffer from an imbalance in their auxiliary function, Extraverted Intuition (Ne). When that occurs, the INTP becomes eccentric, analyzes too much, and disconnects from reality. They can fool themselves in this state into thinking their logic fits in with something they want to happen. When an INTP is healthy, then he or she uses introverted thinking, which is objective and reliable. However, when an INTP’s Ne is warped, they’ll try to make any piece to any puzzle fit, whether it’s correctly or incorrectly.

2. When INTPs Become Defensive
INTPs become defensive when they feel that somebody is trying to rob them of their independence. However, they can also act defensive when they wind up in a situation that makes them utilize a function they aren’t used to using, including Fe, Te, Ni, Se, or Fi.

When an INTP winds up in a situation like that, he or she may do some of the following:

• Enhanced emotional repression. If an INTP thinks his or her emotions aren’t necessary, they’ll shut out their feelings and shut out other people as well. INTPs may feel the need to isolate themselves if they feel their emotions are out of control.
• They are rationalizing away a problem to justify avoiding it. An INTP will use logic to explain a situation they may want to avoid because that situation makes them feel incompetent. That causes them to lose their open-minded capabilities and makes them overly single-minded.

Other Unhealthy Shadow Behaviors

Remember that not all unhealthy INTPs will exactly fit the description we’ve provided above. They may show other signs and symptoms as well. We’ll cover some of those other symptoms below.

1. Over-Reliance on Introverted Thinking
INTPs tend to place great emphasis on introverted thinking. However, they rely on introverted thinking so much, and they can also make the mistake of over-using it and not balancing it out with their other functions. When this happens, the INTP will seem overly critical, tired, and so worn out that they cannot process new information. The INTP will start shutting people out and assume they are always right, which most INTPs recognize as an unhealthy way of thinking. However, when an INTP’s internal framework isn’t working, it can be difficult for them to break bad habits.

2. Immaturity
Introverted Sensing (Si) is a tertiary function for the INTP, so they don’t have a lot of understanding about introverted sensing when they are very young. However, this issue also spills over into when the INTP becomes an adult, because from time to time throughout their lives, they’ll exhibit some forms of immaturity when they are trapped in unhealthy patterns.

The post 8 INTP Functions Explained – Cognitive, Shadow and Sarcastic appeared first on BrandonGaille.com.

INTJs are known to have highly perceptive talents when it comes to thinking. INTJs are such influential, logical thinkers that people often refer to this personality type as “the mastermind.” INTJs are excellent at tuning into the big picture, seeing patterns and interconnections because of their ability to analyze things from all angles. Many INTJs use their perceptive pattern skills to achieve fame in medicine, science, and math.

If you’re trying to learn more information about the INTJ personality type, then you’ve come to the right place. Below we’ll cover the INTJs functions and explain their cognitive functions, shadow functions, and sarcastic functions so that you have a complete comprehension of the INTJ personality.

INTJ Cognitive Functions Explained

To comprehend more about the INTJ personality, we need to take a look at the different cognitive functions that define the characteristics of the INTJ. For an INTJ, there are four cognitive functions, including introverted intuition, extraverted thinking, introverted feeling, and extraverted sensing.

1. Dominant INTJ Cognitive Function: Introverted Intuition
INTJs are fascinated by patterns, and their introverted intuition gives them the ability to explore possibilities and connections that many other people can’t see. INTJs don’t only take facts as concrete objects; they like to explore the meaning of these facts and analyze things from all angles. INTJs spend a lot of time considering their plans and looking at potential goals.

They also have powerful chronological memories and know how to recall things beyond just the facts. Most INTJs are talented when it comes to locating combinations, connections, and patterns, so they are excellent at assessing what is going on in life, especially when another is being deceptive or manipulative.

2. Auxiliary INTJ Cognitive Function: Extraverted Thinking
The secondary function of the INTJ personality is extraverted thinking. INTJ’s extraverted thinking allows them to find order and structure in our chaotic world. INTJs tend to use their extraverted thinking when trying to solve problems, and you’ll see this when you watch how exact they can be. Since INTJs have this extraverted thinking skill, they enjoy formulating their decisions using logic. INTJs are excellent at organizing what they see around them into patterns and cause-and-effect relationships.

3. Tertiary INTJ Cognitive Function: Introverted Feeling
The INTJs tertiary cognitive function is introverted feeling. So, while INTJs do use this function, it’s tertiary, so they don’t use it as often as their dominant and auxiliary functions. So, INTJs do have signs of introversion, but they won’t be as introverted as some of the other introverted personalities.

Some INTJs do a fantastic job of developing this function, and that gives them the ability to understand values and emotions when they make significant decisions. That often means that INTJs will align themselves with others that share similar values and feelings.

4. Inferior INTJ Cognitive Function: Extraverted Sensing
The inferior function for all INTJs, and the least developed cognitive function, is extraverted sensing. While INTJs don’t always use this function, they can take information through their senses quite effectively when they need to. INTJs tend not to rely on this all the time, but they do know how to tune into their worlds.

INTJ Shadow Functions Explained

Now that you understand the INTJs cognitive functions, we’ll move on to discuss the shadow functions typically associated with the INTJ personality.

1. INTJ Shadow Function: Extraverted Intuition
Extraverted intuition, or Ne, is the polar opposite of the INTJ’s dominant cognitive function, introverted intuition, or Ni. When an INTJ utilizes Ni, he or she looks for meaning and patterns to tell what will happen in the future. When doing that, INTJs have a singular focus. Ne, on the other hand, often interrupts the INTJ’s Ni analysis, which can irritate the INTJ greatly. An INTJ that is unhealthy can shut down others when others try to demonstrate alternate possibilities to the INTJ.

2. INTJ Shadow Function: Introverted Thinking
Introverted thinking, or Ti, is the opposite of the INTJs auxiliary cognitive function of extraverted thinking, or Te. INTJs use Te to protect themselves and others, and also to accomplish the tasks they need to perform throughout the day. With Te, the INTJ is using order to plan an action. Ti, on the other hand, can be infuriating for an INTJ. Ti, to an INTJ, often comes across as a loud inner voice that’s criticizing them, and that can cause them to shut down and become unproductive when they are unhealthy.

3. INTJ Shadow Function: Extraverted Feeling
The opposite of the INTJ cognitive tertiary function is extraverted thinking. For an INTJ, extraverted thinking can create a lack of organization in the INTJ thought process. When an INTJ is unhealthy, he or she often stop taking responsibility for his or her actions. That’s because the INTJ is dissociating from the organization, and not aware of everything around him or her anymore.

4. INTJ Shadow Function: Introverted Sensing
Introverted sensing is the polar opposite of the INTJ’s inferior cognitive function. When an INTJ is unhealthy, introverted sensing can act as an internal form of sabotage for the INTJ. INTJs are very good at remembering what’s happened in the past, what’s happening now, and how things all link together. They also try to live healthily when they are healthy. However, when INTJs are unhealthy, they can start ignoring what’s happened in the past, and then lose track of their ability to combine patterns and understand the future.

Unhealthy INTJs also start neglecting their self-care and start worrying about their past. INTJs in this shadow position often feel like their past experiences will ruin what they are planning for the future. That’s because when an INTJ is not healthy, he or she can wind up reliving negative past experiences over and over again.

INTJ Sarcastic Functions

Now that we’ve covered INTJ cognitive functions and shadow functions, it’s time to breakdown the INTJ’s sarcastic functions.

1. INTJ Sarcastic Function: Introverted Intuition
When an INTJ is using introverted intuition as a sarcastic function, he or she is using his or her time to plan things. The INTJ will even spend time trying to figure out how to avoid others that waste their time or decrease their productivity.

2. INTJ Sarcastic Function: Extraverted Thinking
An INTJ in the extraverted thinking sarcastic function tends to view himself or herself as a leader that knows what to do, but for some reason, he or she still gets stuck doing all of the work when trying to break things down in groups.

3. INTJ Sarcastic Function: Introverted Feeling
When an INTJ is trapped in introverted feelings, he or she will tend to feel antisocial. The INTJ will experience a state when he or she feels new relationships cannot be formed, especially with the opposite sex.

4. INTJ Sarcastic Function: Extraverted Sensing
INTJs that experience extraverted sensing at the sarcastic level can act like impulsive children trying to get another person to spend a lot of money on them. When an INTJ is trapped in this state, he or she might act like an aristocrat and push others to spend money.

Conclusion

Now that you know a bit more about the INTJ personality, you’ve hopefully gained some useful insights into your nature, or the character of a loved one. We hope you’ll use this material wisely and enjoy improving your relationships with other people. After all, once you understand yourself better, you’ll be able to comprehend the needs of others much more adeptly.

The post 12 INTJ Functions Explained – Cognitive, Shadow and Sarcastic appeared first on BrandonGaille.com.

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead is a 2012 book by Brene Brown. In this book, she details ways with which to nurture and gather courage, as well as ways in which we can become comfortable with vulnerability.

A 3 Minute Summary of the 15 Core Lessons

#1 The Reasons Behind Shame
First, anyone attempting to be courageous or learn to be vulnerable must understand the reasons why we feel shame. At its core, shame is the integrated idea that we are not deserving of love or connection with others because of scolding, criticism, or because we don’t have a sense of belonging with a group.

#2 Shame is Harmful
After understanding where your own shame comes from and why you might feel it, Brown states that feeling shame can be harmful in the long run even if it had short-term benefits when humans were still evolving. Nowadays, shame can come from a plethora of sources and can end up negating one’s self-worth to such a dramatic degree that it’s impossible for people to be vulnerable or brave, which cuts short their potential.

#3 Shame’s Antidote is Vulnerability
Brown proposes that the best way to counter excessive shame is to accept vulnerability. Vulnerability forces you to experience good and bad emotions and, once you survive the storm, realize that you have a deep inner strength that can be far more powerful than any kind of shame. Vulnerability essentially takes the threat of shame and makes that threat irrelevant.

#4 Talk About Shame
By far, Brown describes that the best way to deal with your shame is to openly speak about it with others. Whether this means talking about direct experiences or just talking about your general emotional shame in the abstract, it will have the same effect of sapping the shame of its destructive power. You’ll realize that the world has not ended and be able to forgive yourself

#5 Being Vulnerable Inspires Others to Do the Same
When you open your self and allow yourself to become vulnerable, others will see you stand up to shame and they will be inspired to be similarly authentic and vulnerable. They may not do it immediately but most will start to fight back against shame when they see concrete proof that the emotion is not as harmful or dangerous as they initially thought.

#6 Courage Comes with Practice
Brown makes it clear that acting courageously and being vulnerable enough to counter shame does not happen immediately for many. It may take you several attempts for many months of effort to become comfortable enough with your own vulnerability to do it regularly.

#7 Boundaries Matter
While being vulnerable is critical for minimizing the harm that shame can inflict, Brown also makes it clear that boundaries for yourself and others are still very important. Honor your own boundaries within reason and also don’t push past the boundaries of others, especially if you are helping them to work past their own shame.

#8 Vulnerability and Strength are the Same
One of the first things you will learn when you start to open yourself up is that it takes tremendous strength to be vulnerable and experience good and bad emotions to such a degree. Keeping your pride bottled up and allowing shame to keep making you feel poorly for past actions is not strength at all. Vulnerability is, paradoxically, equivalent to endurance in many ways.

#9 Vulnerability is Not Bad
Most of us live in cultures that downplay the value and bravery of vulnerability. Most of us have an internalized sense of shame whenever we think about being vulnerable, especially men. But the truth is that vulnerability is neither good nor bad; it’s just a part of all of us and something you can consciously do to stop shame from ruining your life.

#10 You’ll Become Tougher Over Time
The good news for many is that, as you practice vulnerability, you’ll become even tougher and stronger over time. Eventually, you will become somewhat inoculated against shame and be able to practice vulnerability more easily.

#11 Vulnerability is Important if You Have Kids
Anyone with kids already knows that children often inherit the qualities of their parents. Therefore, any parents that want to pass on true strengths to their children will practice bravery and vulnerability so that their kids understand how to stop shame in its tracks.

#12 Actions Matter
Brown also points out that words are cheap and that merely saying that you are vulnerable or brave is not the same thing is actually being either of those qualities. You need to walk the walk as much as you talk the talk. This is particularly important if you are trying to be vulnerable for your followers in a leadership position. They’ll only know you as actually brave if they can see you taking brave actions.

#13 Bring Vulnerability to Your Followers
In tandem with the above point, being a leader is often about facilitating safe vulnerable spaces for your followers. Many people have trouble incorporating bravery and vulnerability into their lives. One of the best things you can do in a leadership position is to allow people to be vulnerable at a comfortable and slow pace that works well for their emotional state. Don’t let your followers bully or shame each other, either.

#14 Be Intentional About Feedback
Brown believes that most leaders in today’s organizations are focused more on metrics rather than personalized feedback. Good leaders will instead be honest about their feedback and allow themselves to be vulnerable with their employees to facilitate a more effective working environment and better coach their employees.

#15 Don’t Beat Around the Bush
All in all, be honest and forthcoming in all your dealings, even if it forces you to be vulnerable with your conversational partner. Being straightforward and honest with yourself and your followers will result in a better self-image, less shame when you look back on your actions, and an inspirational character that others may emulate.

Top 10 Quotes from Daring Greatly

1. “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”
2. “Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
3. “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”
4. “If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.”
5. “When I look at narcissism through the vulnerability lens, I see the shame-based fear of being ordinary. I see the fear of never feeling extraordinary enough to be noticed, to be lovable, to belong, or to cultivate a sense of purpose.”
6. “What we know matters but who we are matters more.”
7. “Numb the dark and you numb the light.”
8. “The willingness to show up changes us, It makes us a little braver each time.”
9. “Even to me the issue of “stay small, sweet, quiet, and modest” sounds like an outdated problem, but the truth is that women still run into those demands whenever we find and use our voices.”
10. “Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.”

Free PDF Download of the Summary to Save or Print

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Brown’s 10 Rules for Success

The Famous Brené Brown Ted Talk

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ENFJs and ENFPs are relatively rare personality types, but they usually make a splash wherever they go. Whether as inspirational speakers, bubbly party personalities, or charismatic leaders, both of these types are almost impossible to miss and may seem too similar at first. Still, despite how close they are in nature, both types have several key differences that we’ll discuss below.

1. Openness
While these personality types are very similar to one another, they can actually be quite different when it comes to sharing their own feelings. ENFPs wear their hearts on their sleeves, likely due to how extroverted their intuition is and how easily that translates to talking about their feelings on the open. This leads ENFPs to share their opinions and feelings with almost everybody, which also comes with the possibility that their feelings can be easily hurt.

On the flipside, ENFJs are often focused on the feelings of others but might not be quite so open about how their own emotions are faring. Indeed, though more often keep their feelings of themselves and not focus on their own emotions so they can better attend to the needs of others. They’re much more focused on the feelings of a group than their own, sometimes to their own detriment.

2. Group Values
When in groups, both ENFPs and ENFJs can be great leaders and can inspire their followers as few other types can. But ENFPs are much more focused on the possibilities for their group and are always looking toward the future. This can lead them to drive their team to great heights and success but often causes them to lose focus on the feelings of their current workers or subordinates.

ENFJs are much more in tune with the emotions of others and are focused on how their group is currently doing rather than the ultimate goal. This can mean that they inspire groups by paying personal attention to every member of the team whereas ENFPs will more often inspire their group by reiterating the overall goal.

3. Emotional Focus
As stated above, both of these types are highly emotional. But the way that both of these types interact with emotions could not be more different.

ENFPs are usually at the heart of any drama currently going on within a group. They genuinely care about everyone close to them and will often interact and spread good feelings around them. They tend to internalize their own feelings and values. As a result, they often spread their feelings throughout the rest of the group, sometimes to bad effect, sometimes to good. ENFPs are usually concerned with focusing on making everyone feel good and valued.

ENFJs are also super emotional but are laser-focused on the feelings of other people. Their empathic abilities are almost unmatched, so they’ll often try to solve the emotional problems of others. This can lead them to discount their own emotions and can accidentally cause them to feel drained after a short while. In the worst-case scenario, the ENFJ can lash out, especially if too many members of the group have been draining them emotionally.

4. Planning vs Possibilities
This difference is largely derived from the P/J split between the two types. ENFPs are much more focused on the possibilities and will always be willing to take risks or chances on new ideas or new ways of doing things. Because of this, they are often the more outgoing of the two types even though both personalities are extroverted by nature.

On the flipside, ENFJs are planning-oriented and enjoy making schedules and organizing groups. This preclusion for wrangling people together and making sure everything fits makes ENFJs natural leaders in a way that ENFPs rarely are. An ENFP is more likely to throw a party together at the last minute while an ENFJ probably plans the same party for months in advance.

5. Persistence in Conflict
Whenever there’s an emotional conflict, the two types will demonstrate another big difference. ENFPs are more likely to back down and try to make peace return to the group in the event of a fight or big squabble. They are really in tune with the emotions of others and can often internalize those negative feelings, leading them to try to patch things up rather than force resolution.

ENFJs are a little more hands-on when it comes to conflict resolution. They tend to be much more persuasive and confident and are often natural leaders as a result. ENFJs will, therefore, often try to get team members to resolve their differences and get back to the same page through the force of their own personality and by empathically taking on the emotions of the wounded parties.

6. Creative Differences
The two types also differ drastically when it comes to their creative urges. ENFPs, being much more open to possibilities than the other personality type, are a little more impulsive and open to new ways of doing things. As a result, many of their artistic projects or efforts are more unique than those created by others. They tend to bring fresh perspectives to both people and objects and will be a little more lenient when it comes to following the instructions for an artistic assignment.

ENFJs’ organizational aptitude is also expressed through their creativity. While they are also intuitive and are thus more focused on symbols and concepts and sensor types, their artistic projects will probably be a little more rigid and inflexible and will likely follow rules more closely. They can still make fantastic art, but their projects are likely to be more determined and thought out than impulsive and instinctual.

7. Detail Focus
ENFPs are much more free-flowing than their ENFJ counterparts. They’re always seeking new stimuli and don’t do well with repetition and attention to detail in comparison. As a result, they’ll be more likely to flit from task to task or person-to-person and won’t be as likely to catch any mistakes they make, particularly if the editing or correction process feels tedious to them.

ENFJs are much more suited to finding errors in paying attention to detail. They already enjoy plans and schedules and know how to work diligently toward the goals they’ve set in mind. To that end, it’s not uncommon to see ENFJs pouring over every aspect of their work and triple-checking it to make sure that every detail is perfect. They may even set aside time specifically for corrections or proofreading, particularly if the assignment is important.

8. Management Preferences
The big P/J difference manifests here once again. ENFPs prefer managers that allow them to make the most of their unique talents and interpersonal agility. As a result, they’ll work best with managers that give them a long leash and allow them to interact with many people, bouncing from task to task and finding creative ways to solve issues.

ENFJs, on the other hand, are more likely to appreciate managers that have clear action plans and schedules that they can follow. They’ll enjoy working with managers that appeal to their own sense of organization, especially of these types of managers have more tangible goals and regular progress reports. Naturally, this kind of leader is the same type of person that an ENFJ will be if they ever attain a leadership position.

9. Do They Want to Be Leaders?
ENFJs are naturally suited for a leadership role and actually have a deep inner need to interact with others and help solve interpersonal conflicts. They enjoy bringing people together and creating social networks that form bigger groups and accomplish even more impressive endeavors. ENFJs take naturally to the leadership lifestyle because they are always in tune with the emotions of others. They can spot social cues or micro-interactions between people, stepping in to smooth things over or bolstering the camaraderie two people already feel.

ENFPs do not normally want to be leaders. It’s not that they don’t sense the emotions of others but that they don’t have any interesting tying people together and acting as the social glue that binds a group over the long-term. They are normally affable and well-liked by most to interact with them, but they enjoy going from group to group or person-to-person and don’t like being tied down. This is likely because of their P focus, which inspires them to always be seeking new opportunities and new stimuli.

Conclusion

Ultimately, the ENFJ and ENFP personality types are more similar than they are different, although there are several major factors that separate the two types. Both types are heavily intuitive and have an extroverted focus, enabling them to easily tune into the emotions of others. Their love of symbolism and higher concepts mean that they’ll get along with other N-types, but their personable natures also make them effective workers or leaders with S-types.

But their differences can cause them to express very different personalities in aggregate. Hopefully, the above nine differences can help you identify these two personality types in your own life.

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INTJs and ISTJs are only one letter apart in the Myers-Briggs personality type system, but they often behave quite differently. Whether it’s their chosen professions, their interpersonal conflict resolution styles, or how they like to choose their leaders, INTJs and ISTJs have plenty of huge differences you should be aware of.

1. Different Emotional Strategies
One of the biggest ways in which these two personality types deviate from one another is in how they deal with their emotions. ISTJs usually have a much harder time dealing with emotions, particularly when it’s their own. They tend to see all emotions as irrational and focus on concrete and sensory details they can more easily understand. This often manifests as our frustration. But INTJs are more likely to ignore emotions and focus more on their ideas and concepts. In turn, this can make INTJs seem particularly cold or aloof rather than frustrated when they encounter a particularly emotional person.

2. What Drives Emotional Satisfaction
The next biggest difference between these two types is in how they derive emotional satisfaction from different events. ISTJs are very coordinated and logical people and enjoy agreements and commitments that are fulfilled by both parties. They tend to take their word very seriously, as they do the words of others. INTJs care less about striking up agreements with people and repeating the same commitments over and over. Instead, they’re more likely to get emotional satisfaction from people who can discuss unique ideas or problems and abstract concepts. This difference is likely derived from the S/N difference inherent in the two types.

3. Communication
ISTJs tend to be much more formal than their INTJ counterparts. ISTJs enjoy focusing on commitments and promises made by others and look at things in a factual and often binary way. For this reason, ISTJs will often write letters outlining complaints or follow procedures to the letter when it comes to solving a problem or managing interpersonal conflict.

On the flipside, INTJs tend to be much more intellectual and abstract. They’ll talk more about general concepts and will often communicate their problems in a more direct and harsh way. This can cause them to inadvertently hurt the feelings of their companions or friends, but it does have the benefit of getting to the heart of the problem much more quickly.

4. Struggle With Conflict
Whenever there’s an interpersonal struggle of some kind, an ISTJ is much more likely to become emotionally hurt by the experience. They can take personal words or verbal conflict quite personally and will struggle with conflict that is brought out into the open. Remember, this personality type is a very strong introvert, so people verbally expressing discontent can be extremely painful or uncomfortable.

On the other hand, INTJs are much less likely to become hurt by interpersonal conflict and will often see some struggle as just “part of the process”. They’re often focused on the bottom line or the results of the conflict rather than the emotions of the people within the fight. In fact, sometimes INTJs enjoy interpersonal conflict like they would a deep debate, and relish in the opportunity to showcase their expertise with a topic.

5. Creative Differences
This big difference comes from the S/N split between the two personality types. As S types, ISTJs are extremely factual and have difficulty drawing up creative juices when it comes to abstract concepts or symbolism. Their creativity normally manifests as physical art forms, like woodworking for painting, and much of their art tends to reflect real life. Additionally, when given a creative assignment, an ISTJ is likely to interpret the directions as strictly as possible and won’t usually think outside the box to the same degree as INTJs.

INTJs love to think outside the box and are often called idea people. Because of their N focus, INTJs will often look at problems in a new and creative way and draw up creativity from their intuition. This causes them to be particularly good at coming up with unique solutions for all the problems brought in front of them. If an INTJ does perform some kind of art, chances are it’ll tend toward the abstract side of things and may only barely qualify if it’s a college-level assignment. INTJs can look down their noses somewhat at more straightforward interpretations of artistic instructions or forms.

6. Management Appreciation
Both types differ heavily on how they want to be managed by their superiors. ISTJs love routine and enjoy being given clear tasks with equally crystal expectations. This allows them to know exactly what they need to do and gives them plenty of time to plan out their operational strategy. ISTJs can then get to work and put their nose to the grindstone, using their detail-oriented nature to turn out excellent effort.

INTJs are quite different in this regard. Rather than being given strict expectations and enjoying it, INTJs are more likely to interpret such managers as overly bossy or micromanagers. They hate tedium or routine tasks and will more often prefer to spend their energy on coming up with their own solutions for broad problems. INTJs benefit from managers that give them a looser leash and let them off the hook while they meander around fixing issues in unique ways.

7. Planning
Indeed, ISTJs arguably love planning more than almost anything else, regardless of the context. Whether it’s with interpersonal conversations, at work, or with their own hobbies, an ISTJ will enjoy getting the details of the day down to the letter most of the time. They love itineraries and planning schedules for even the most basic of tasks as it helps them feel in control of their environment and gives an adequate mental time to prepare and allocate resources, especially if the tasks ahead deal with socialization.

INTJs don’t necessarily dislike planning but they don’t need it to operate comfortably. Instead, they’ll spend more of their time coming up with a broad outline or plan, then acting upon the plan and iterating when necessary. Because of this difference, INTJs are arguably a little more adaptable than their counterparts and will deal with interruptions or changes to the plan a little more fluidly.

8. Leadership Styles
Because of the aforementioned differences, both personality types have drastically different leadership styles. ISTJs aren’t necessarily intended emotions but do understand the necessity of handling interpersonal conflicts in order to get the ship running smoothly. They will plan everything out ahead of time and give their employees particularly clear instructions. They’ll also be hurt and upset with their employees or subordinates do not follow those instructions despite them making the best efforts to be totally clear.

INTJs are much less planning oriented and while they may provide an outline, they will respect subordinates who can come up with their own solutions to problems and who don’t need a lot of handholding. Indeed, they may feel poorly about certain employees or subordinates that request instructions again and again, especially if they view the task as relatively tedious for easy. Original thinkers are much more likely to get the respect of an INTJ. Additionally, INTJs can often be blind to the emotional needs of their subordinates; this can sometimes cause their employees to lose respect for them.

9. Facts or Possibilities
This major difference is derived from how each type’s functions work. ISTJs hate uncertainty more than almost anything else, so they usually enjoy dealing with facts and logic that are already proven. They don’t have a lot of time for theory, as theories are, by definition, not yet proven. They’ll spend their time working with concepts or routines that they already know will work satisfactorily, even if there’s potentially a better solution on the horizon.

Conversely, INTJs will always be looking for improvements to a situation or routine. They’re much more likely to take risks and try out new ideas then dismiss them out of hand. This usually manifests as less risk aversion, even though INTJs are not necessarily daredevils were particularly enthralled with the idea of taking risks.

10. Team or Individual
ISTJs understand that they have only one part to play in a larger team. For this reason, ISTJs are less likely to jump into another person’s responsibilities or position and will often try to work with a team to their greatest extent. In fact, many ISTJs are good at this part because they tend to be quiet and don’t usually rock the social boat.

INTJs are far from team players. While they can get along with others in the pursuit of a higher goal, they love to be individualistic and tackle problems with their own schedules and ideas. This can make them difficult to wrangle into place for a team project.

Conclusion

All in all, both types bring a lot to the table and are defined by their introversion and detail-oriented problem-solving skills. But their differences manifest in stark ways. Use these big differences to identify both types in your life or help figure out which of the two you are!

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Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die is a 2007 book written by brothers Dan and Chip Heath. This book explores why certain ideas or concepts are more interesting and “sticky” to society than others.

A 3 Minute Summary of the 15 Core Lessons

#1 6 Sticky Qualities
Chip and Dan Heath propose that there are six core qualities or aspects that make ideas and concepts sticky or more likely to remain in the public consciousness than others. These core qualities can be summarized by an acronym: Simple Unexpected Concrete Credible Emotional Stories, or SUCCES.

#2 The Simple Quality
The first major sticky quality is simplicity. The vast majority of sticky or interesting ideas are not necessarily complex or difficult for the average person to understand. Simplicity does not refer to the length or breadth of an idea, but most great ideas have a core element that can be easily understood and which the concept can be boiled down to if needed.

#3 The Unexpected Quality
The next major aspect is that an idea must be unexpected. That is to say, a sticky idea will be novel and attention-grabbing, as things we are already aware of or comfortable with are simply not that interesting to our brains. Unexpected concepts and ideas can be shocking or simply clever takes on familiar ideas that look at an issue in a new way.

#4 The Concrete Quality
Most people aren’t comfortable with doing most of their thinking in the abstract realm. Therefore, sticky ideas must be concrete and realistic. Only ideas that can be properly packaged in concrete language and which can offer concrete results for effects for those considering the idea will have the mental inertia to dig deep into the brain and stay there for a long time.

#5 The Credible Quality
A sticky idea must be reasonably credible. This is why the most crackpot or outlandish theories about Area 51 or other conspiracy theories don’t usually get much traction. Sticky ideas have to be reasonably believable such that a normal person can imagine the concept and believe in its realism. Many sticky credible ideas are derived from personal experience, which allows for sympathy.

#6 The Emotional Quality
The stickiest ideas and concepts are also fairly emotional. Even the most logical person is still an emotional being at their core. Therefore, anyone looking to develop a sticky idea should focus on the emotions behind that idea and imagine what emotions said concepts might conjure when the idea is floating around the idea marketplace. The best emotional ideas focus on peoples’ dreams, desires, and fears.

#7 The Story Quality
Finally, sticky ideas must also integrate well with a story or storytelling format. In a nutshell, these ideas need to either be easily integrated with the personal life stories of those who hear them or the stories themselves. Sticky stories are the ones that have lasted through generations and are constantly rebooted. Meanwhile, a sticky product might go well with the personal life story of its target demographic or customer base.

#8 Curiosity Gaps
Dan and Chip Heath go over the concept of a curiosity gap, which is an effective way to get your idea into the consciousness of your listener in a particularly sticky manner. Put simply, a curiosity gap is just presenting the idea that there is something your listener doesn’t yet know while also providing the way to get that answer in the same sentence or breath.

#9 Storytelling Matters
When you’re using the last part of the SUCCES acronym to make your ideas stick, it helps to develop smart stories that utilize key concepts that make those narratives attractive. The first of these stories is about a challenge, which usually has a protagonist that overcomes a daunting physical or mental goal. These appeal to people by appealing to courage and perseverance.

#10 The Connection or Empathy Plot
The next storytelling tactic is to work up a connection tale. This type of story focuses on a protagonist bridging a gap between him or herself and the listener or an audience surrogate. These stories are particularly inspirational for many by appealing to our social cores and challenging us to be tolerant and work with others.

#11 The Creativity Story
The final storytelling framework you can follow focuses on creativity. These types of stories and messages emphasize problem-solving, often by tackling familiar issues in innovative ways. These types of stories are particularly effective for those trying to sell new products that provide novel solutions for everyday challenges that people have to endure.

#12 The Curse of Knowledge
This idea refers to the difficulty we all have of imagining what it is like to not know something already we already know. This can make it tricky when thinking about how to present your sticky idea to those who have no idea what you are talking about.

#13 Two Message Stages
There are two main stages when you try to get a message or idea across your listener. These stages require separate effort and expertise to effectively work on your listener and allow the idea to spread in an appropriately sticky manner.

#14 The Answer Stage
The first of the two stages deals with the answer to whatever problem or idea your concept brings to the table. Whenever you present an idea or problem to a listener, you must have the answer or potential solution at hand, often by using the SUCCES acronym for that aspect of the discussion, as well.

#15 The Telling Others Stage
This second aspect of the message focuses on you delivering the punch line of your idea or framing your concept in an appropriate story that captures the imagination of your audience or your customer base. It’s important that you don’t fumble this part of telling your message to your listener, as it is arguably the most important part and the portion of your message that is most likely to stick with the audience long after you’re through.

Top 10 Quotes from Made to Stick

1. “The most basic way to get someone’s attention is this: Break a pattern.”
2. “Anger prepares us to fight and fear prepares us to flee.”
3. “Failing is often the best way to learn, and because of that, early failure is a kind of necessary investment.”
4. “To make our communications more effective, we need to shift our thinking from “What information do I need to convey?” to “What questions do I want my audience to ask?”
5. “Knowledge does not change behavior,” he said. “We have all encountered crazy shrinks and obese doctors and divorced marriage counselors.”
6. “A good change leader never thinks, “Why are these people acting so badly? They must be bad people.” A change leader thinks, “How can I set up a situation that brings out the good in these people?”
7. “The first problem of communication is getting people’s attention.”
8. “The Curse of Knowledge: when we are given knowledge, it is impossible to imagine what it’s like to LACK that knowledge.”
9. “Fundamental Attribution Error.” The error lies in our inclination to attribute people’s behavior to the way they are rather than to the situation they are in.”
10. “Any time in life you’re tempted to think, ‘Should I do this OR that?’ instead, ask yourself, ‘Is there a way I can do this AND that?”

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ENFPs are social butterflies, floating from person to person, and constantly forming new emotional connections. Despite this social suitability, this type’s compatibility with other individuals, especially when it comes to long-term relationships or dating, isn’t well understood. Let’s dive into this type’s romantic attractions, what they look for, and which potential partners are most likely to have successful relationships with ENFPs.

What ENFPs Look For

ENFPs are naturally bubbly and compassionate, so it’s no surprise that many of them seek similar traits in their partners. At the same time, however, ENFPs are often characterized by their acceptance of their partners’ unique traits and personalities. As a result, ENFPs are usually fairly easy going and will appreciate partners of many different flavors or personality types. The trick is slowing the ENFP down long enough to connect. However, this can sometimes be quite easy thanks to their focus on feelings and extroverted tendencies.

Indeed, ENFPs are most often concerned with having a positive relationship regardless of the exact personality specifications of their partner. They focus a lot on the feelings of others and tend to be flexible with their own words in order to avoid hurt feelings for themselves and their mates. Additionally, ENFPs do take commitments very seriously, so they’re more likely to connect themselves to other heavily monogamous partners.

However, this isn’t to say that ENFPs don’t have any relationship preferences. Either for romances or for friendships, ENFPs usually look for someone who enjoys having fun, particularly if it’s an activity that both parties can enjoy together. They’re also usually focused on finding new activities or experiences, especially when it comes to dating or sex. ENFPs can be bored with routine and repetition, so they’re more likely to be drawn to romantic partners who are willing to try out new things every now and again.

Importantly, ENFPs are more likely to look for relationship partners to place a high priority on their own emotions. ENFPs do have a tendency to internalize relationship failures or problems, especially if they perceive an issue to be their fault. Thus, they’ll likely look for someone who’s good at conflict resolution and who understands their own feelings, at least to some extent.

ENFPs like plenty of other personality aspects as well; creativity, playfulness, and outward displays of affection are all key traits that most ENFPs will look for in a partner or friend. While the exact love language of the person can vary, many ENFPs enjoy outward displays of love and romance, particularly in either verbal or action forms.

All in all, ENFPs look for partners who can be deeply intimate with them, who will try new experiences with them, and who will prioritize the emotional strength of the shared connection above most other things.

Trouble Spots

ENFPs are very giving and loving partners, but there are a few potential trouble spots that can impact the success of their relationships. Firstly, ENFPs have difficulty working with partners that enjoy habits or routines. As P types, they crave novelty and possibility and will more often want to try something new them is at the same restaurant or vacation spot as they did last time. This issue could cause friction between them and their partner, particularly if they’re a person who loves routine, like most ISTJs.

Additionally, ENFPs can feel slightly needy to their partners because of the requirements for positive affirmation and assurance. ENFPs with verbal love languages can especially be “needy” to their partners, constantly requesting compliments or encouragement from their partner. For personality types that are more introverted or who don’t like to verbalize their feelings, this can be not only annoying but also oppressive.

ENFPs, with their hearts on their sleeves, are also rather sensitive in most verbal conflicts. This can manifest as the ENFP’s feelings being easily hurt even if their partner did not intend for it to happen. As a result, this can make discussing emotional matters of some sensitivity difficult for both parties, particularly if their partner isn’t very good at discussing emotions in the first place.

Any ENFP partner will need to be very careful when discussing criticism or when hashing out a conflict. In fact, ENFPs are extremely sensitive to conflict situations; these ratchet up their stress levels like almost nothing else. ENFPs are more likely to agree to short-term compromises just to end a fight or disagreement rather than fully resolved the issue.

This tendency to “kick the can down the road” can cause trouble later in the relationship. Thus, ENFP partners will likely need to be very aware of their own emotional needs and be somewhat skilled at navigating interpersonal conflict. The relationship will be healthier in the long run with a partner like this.

Ideal ENFP Partners

With all this being said, what are the ideal personality types for ENFPs? As mentioned above, their openness and acceptance of other people mean that ENFPs can get along with a wide variety of personality types. In fact, possibly more than any other personality type, an ENFP can have a rich and engaging relationship with any other person on the Myers-Briggs typing system. It all depends on how well-developed their partner’s emotional maturity is and how well both people communicate.

However, ENFPs do have a tendency to attract certain personality types and gravitate toward those types as well. Big complementary communication styles or skill sets are more likely to increase the likelihood of a connection and help the relationship overcome the criticism and conflict hurdles discussed above.

As such, N-types of any variety are likely to be a great match with ENFPs. This central communication style, focusing on abstract concepts and symbolism through intuition, allows ENFPs to understand where other N-types are coming from.

With other E-types, ENFPs are likely to feel emotionally charged and sociable. The potential for conflict only arises if their partner has friends that the ENFP themselves doesn’t like. However, I-types offer a chance for deeper emotional connections and conversation that the ENFP themself may not be experienced with. I-types, in turn, can feel supported or receive benefits from the ENFP’s gregariousness, gaining friends and loved ones through their expanded social network.

ENFPs also work well with other P-types, as both individuals will likely appreciate novelty and new experiences. However, both individuals may be drained after trying multiple things or might not be able to settle on certain big decisions, intensifying each other’s indecisiveness.

Thus, J-types are usually a great match with ENFPs. In this case, both personality types are complementary to one another; the ENFP provides the J-type with a little spice to their life while the J-type helps ground the ENFP and make decisions when necessary.

All in all, top personality types an ENFP looking to date include:

• INFJs
• INTJs
• ENFJs
• ENTJs
• ISFJs
• ESFJs
• ESTJs

Conclusion

The ENFP is one of the rarest personality types in the world and has a lot to offer any romantic partner or potential friend. Once they give out their affection, they tend to be loyal and loving and every relationship is filled with creativity and excitement. They’ll make wonderful partners for the majority of individuals, especially if their partner can navigate emotional conflicts or conversations with sophistication and insight.

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As one of the rarest personality types, ENFJs aren’t well understood when it comes to their dating preferences or relationship needs. To make matters worse, ENFJs are better at understanding other people that are themselves in many respects. Let’s dive into this personality type and find out what makes them tick when it comes to romantic relationships.

What ENFJs Look For

ENFJs are people-people; they are particularly well-suited to forming connections with others and managing emotional networks, even in larger groups. Their extraversion, intuition, and feeling functions all combine to let them accurately assess the emotions of others and come to helpful conclusions. This is why ENFJs are such good leaders: being able to understand what makes a person tick and connect with them in an authentic enough way to gain their trust and loyalty is a rare but valuable skill.

ENFJs have excellent communication skills, are extremely motivating and inspirational, and are particularly perceptive when it comes to the thoughts and motives of others. As such, they can be attracted to a wide number of different personality types, seeing goodness and potential in just about everyone.

This being said, ENFJs don’t necessarily look for someone who’s just like them. Indeed, their tendency to take charge in either an official or counseling capacity means that they’re more often looking for someone who can complement their abilities.

Interestingly, ENFJs, despite being so into the emotions of others, often have something of a blind eye when it comes to their own hearts. They spend so much time being in tune with the feelings of the people they are with that they can easily drain themselves or neglect their own internal needs. ENFJs normally look for someone who can comfort them on some level, either consciously or unconsciously.

Additionally, ENFJs usually love routine and planning. They’re likely to appreciate someone who seems to have their act together, either on a personal or professional level. With their eyes constantly toward the future, ENFJs appreciate people who seem like they know themselves and their goals. They’ll even feel inspired to help their partners reach their personal objectives.

However, ENFJs can also feel a bit inspired by P-types, particularly if they have been missing some novelty in their own lives. Most importantly, ENFJs look for someone whose morals and values match their own, although their understanding of the emotions of others means that many moral codes are potentially acceptable.

As N-types, too, ENFJs crave someone who they can have a deep conversational connection with. Speaking of abstract terms of concepts is their first language, so they’re more likely to seek out another deep intuitive type rather than someone totally grounded in material or sensory concerns.

Trouble Spots

Despite their warmth and empathic abilities, ENFJs do have some weaknesses when it comes to relationships. These can cause potential pitfalls, particularly with romantic partners.

For starters, ENFJs can occasionally focus far too much on their lovers or mates. Their knack for emotional connection can be overcharged when they first fall in love with someone else, causing them to smother their partner with attention or with attempts at understanding. At times, ENFJs who aren’t aware of their own behavior can feel like they understand their partner better than their partner themselves. This is annoying at best and insulting at worst.

As mentioned before, ENFJs are also fairly bad at managing their own emotions, especially if they have an emotionally demanding job. They can easily become over drained from managing the expectations of others and from handling a social profession. This can cause them to lash out or become emotionally manipulative. Any partner for an ENFJ needs to be aware of this tendency and help tend to their ENFJ’s emotional needs from time to time, even if the ENFJ doesn’t recognize the need.

ENFJs’ tendency to become leaders can also cause them to take charge when it’s not appropriate. Particularly since they are always focused on the future and higher-level ideas, ENFJs and barge in and try to take control of the situation, assuming that they know what’s best. This can become toxic when applied to a one-on-one relationship; ENFJs may try to fix their partner when the partner doesn’t feel like anything needs to be repaired.

In the event of interpersonal conflict, ENFJs may try to resolve the issue as quickly as possible or, if they aren’t emotionally mature, sweep things under the rug and avoid a fight entirely. This obviously doesn’t solve the issue for future occurrences.

If a fight does occur, ENFJs’ extreme emotional sensitivity can lead them to feel bad about the discussion and blame themselves for the role they played. This, in turn, can lead to more lashing out or manipulation, even unconsciously. When in a fight with an ENFJ, their partner needs to be aware of this potential pitfall and manage their words very carefully. It’s a good idea to reiterate that the goal of the conversation is to repair the relationship rather than assign blame.

Ideal ENFJ Partners

Despite the potential struggles, ENFJs make fantastic partners and have a wide variety of possible soulmates across the Myers-Briggs spectrum.

As N-types, ENFJs are naturally compatible with most other gratuitous regardless of the other functions. N-types tend to get along very well with each other the same way that S-types do, as these pairings share the same primary form of communication. ENFJs in a relationship with any other intuitive type should be able to have long and deep conversations about all sorts of topics and concepts. The potential for a robust emotional connection is high.

Additionally, ENFJs, being in tune with the emotions of others perhaps better than almost any other N-type, are excellent partners for I-types in general. Introverts normally have difficulty expressing their feelings or connecting with other people, and virtually all active conversation is somewhat draining. ENFJs can understand this right off the bat and tailor their conversational tactics appropriately. As a result, many I-types will likely feel safe and warm when experiencing a connection with an ENFJ.

T-types are another great example of the ENFJ’s ability to bond with other people. Indeed, many T-types don’t pay well enough attention to their own emotions and can have difficulty expressing themselves. ENFJs can often understand T’s well enough, however, allowing them to smooth over any verbal or affection-based mishaps. They’re likely to “know” what a T-type meant, even if their partner said something that was outwardly cold or rude on the surface.

P-types bring a lot of energy and novelty into the ENFJ’s life. Other J-types can also be a good match, but P-types ensure that the ENFJ doesn’t become too bored or stuck in a routine. This possibility is particularly likely, especially since ENFJs don’t pay attention to their own emotional needs as well as they often should.

All in all, the following types are likely to be excellent partners for an ENFJ:

• INTJs
• INTPs
• INFPs
• INFJs
• ISTJs
• ISTPs
• ESFPs
• ESTPs

Conclusion

ENFJs are warm, inspiring, and can make excellent partners for almost anyone. Their ability to understand their partners and devotion to their moral ideals make them steadfast parents, lovers, and leaders in all respects. Anyone who pairs with ENFJ can benefit from a long, healthy relationship with the right effort.

The post ENFJ Compatibility for Relationships and Dating appeared first on BrandonGaille.com.

The Culture Code: The Secrets of Highly Successful Groups is a 2017 book written by Daniel Coyle. In its pages, Coyle studies the principles and secrets of successful teams so that readers can integrate those ideas into their own organizations and companies.

A 3 Minute Summary of the 15 Core Lessons

#1 Vulnerability is First
The common idea in many Western cultures, especially in the business world, is that trust is necessary before you can be vulnerable with others and with your followers as a leader. But Coyle contests the vulnerability is necessary for trust in all social relations. This requires that leaders must be vulnerable with their followers, which includes honesty and integrity even if they make mistakes.

#2 Followers Must Feel Safe
In tandem with the above, Coyle says that your followers need to feel safe and that they belong with your group or organization for them to fully buy into your mission and provide their best efforts. This includes being honest with them and sending signals that they can trust you and be open about their insecurities and goals.

#3 Purpose is Clarifying
Whenever you’re outlining your objectives to your followers, a good leader striving to create a strong business culture should always keep the overall purpose of the venture first and foremost. Purpose helps your followers and you tailor the culture toward your ultimate goal without getting bogged down in short-term gains and losses.

#4 Safety Breeds Cooperation
If you successfully make a safe and purposeful environment for your followers, you’ll foster a company culture that inspires people to work together. No one achieved great works on their own, and if you want your workers to trust and work well with one another they need to feel safe and led by a leader with a singular vision. Cooperation without competition is the way for companies that have strong cultures.

#5 Reveal Your Failures
As a leader, one of the best ways you can show vulnerability is to reveal your own mistakes and admit when you come up short. Not only does this show your strength to your followers but it also tells your employees that is acceptable to make mistakes from time to time. This will stop your employees from trying to cover up their faults and will also cause them to trust you more fully.

#6 Keep the End Goal Simple
Whatever your guiding star ultimate goal is, it should be simple and purposeful. Don’t have your venture’s end result be a complicated achievement that can’t be easily distilled into a few sentences or less. Some up all of the beliefs and values of your team or company into a single final goal and your followers will be able to keep this in mind more easily.

#7 Keep Workers Physically Close
When designing your office space or deciding where most of your endeavor’s activity is going to take place, try to keep yourself and your followers close in proximity. While it’s important that everyone has their own space, keeping everyone close together increases the number of innovations and cooperation between you and your followers.

#8 Constantly Thank Your Followers
According to Coyle, there is no limit to the amount of thank you’s and gratitude you can give to your employees. Your followers love to be recognized for their work and their achievements, so don’t hold back on letting them know exactly how proud you are and how thrilled you are with their efforts thus far.

#9 Practice Failure Drills
It’s similarly important to always have an action plan in place for when the inevitable happens and a mistake is made for you experience a pitfall. If you are prepared for any eventuality, shortcomings won’t hurt your company so much and your overall corporate culture will be able to withstand significant setbacks without imploding.

#10 Be Very Honest
In our culture, Coyle says, we often don’t really say what we mean which causes miscommunication and frustration. Instead, leaders looking to build a strong business culture will always be very direct in what they say and mean. This applies to both the praise dole out to your employees and any criticism you might have. Don’t be mean, but acknowledge when they have made some mistake.

#11 Employ Physical Touch
You don’t necessarily have to hug all of your followers, but Coyle suggests that organizations with a strong interior culture often employ physical touch frequently. This includes shaking hands and placing your hand on the shoulders of your friends or comrades. Physical touch binds humans together automatically, so utilize this to make everyone feel like they are part of a more solidified group.

#12 No Long Speeches
Coyle also says that rambling on during a long speech is a great way to draw too much attention to yourself and make people feel that they aren’t being listened to. If you do need to address all of your employees, keep your speeches short, sweet, and to the point.

#13 Don’t Interrupt
When you’re listening to an employee, either as they explain an idea or they are giving you feedback, don’t interrupt them. This will make them feel like they are truly listened to and will find them closer to you as a leader. This is critical for establishing an open line of communication between you and your followers and ensuring that honesty is the rule rather than the exception.

#14 Eye Contact
Good leaders will make liberal use of eye contact when conversing with their followers. Eye contact makes people feel intimate and connected. Not only will this make people trust you and feel more vulnerable in your presence but they will also usually emulate the activity, causing eye contact around your culture to grow on its own.

#15 Ask Questions
Finally, Coyle suggests that leaders should ask lots of questions from their followers. Questions enable your followers to talk about themselves and reveal their desires and hopes, as well as their worries. This is a great way to get feedback and build a personal connection with all of your followers at the same time.

Top 10 Quotes from The Culture Code

1. “Vulnerability doesn’t come after trust—it precedes it. Leaping into the unknown, when done alongside others, causes the solid ground of trust to materialize beneath our feet.”
2. “I’m giving you these comments because I have very high expectations and I know that you can reach them.”
3. “The road to success is paved with mistakes well handled.”
4. “Belonging cues are behaviors that create safe connection in groups. They include, among others, proximity, eye contact, energy, mimicry, turn taking, attention, body language, vocal pitch, consistency of emphasis, and whether everyone talks to everyone else in the group.”
5. “The number-one job is to take care of each other. I didn’t always know that, but I know it now.”
6. “As Dave Cooper says, I screwed that up are the most important words any leader can say.”
7. “We are all paid to solve problems. Make sure to pick fun people to solve problems with.”
8. “Give a mediocre idea to a good team, and they’ll find a way to make it better. The goal needs to be to get the team right, get them moving in the right direction, and get them to see where they are making mistakes and where they are succeeding.”
9. “Envision a reachable goal, and envision the obstacles. The thing is, as Oettingen discovered, this method works, triggering significant changes in behavior and motivation.”
10. “While successful culture can look and feel like magic, the truth is that it’s not. Culture is a set of living relationships working toward a shared goal. It’s not something you are. It’s something you do.”

Free PDF Download of the Summary to Save or Print

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Daniel Discusses Improving Group Culture

Coyle’s Secrets of Highly Successful Teams

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INFJs and INTJs are both extremely rare personality types, but they also seem to pair up together relatively frequently, finding each other amid the sea of more common SJ and SP types. What is it about these two types that draw them toward one another? Let’s answer this question and examine how either type can be expressed when the individual is either a man or a woman.

Preference Matching

INFJs and INTJs will likely naturally be drawn to one another because of several factors that go into both types. For starters, both types are heavily introverted and are not normally drawn to social activity. Indeed, talking to other people usually drains their energy, unless it’s a very specific person or their life partner. Because of this, both types are unlikely to drain one another or feel annoying. On the contrary, both types will be liable to give the other the space they need to recharge at the end of the day.

Additionally, both INFJs and INTJs are N-types or intuitive. This means that they see the world in terms of larger concepts or abstract ideas and will be naturally drawn to symbology. Concrete or sensory-driven information is not as important for either type as it would be for an S-type. Due to this similarity, both types should have no problem conversing with one another, even if both of them tend to focus more on feeling or thinking, respectively.

Finally, both INFJs and INTJs share a heavy preference for J-type decision-making. This makes them both likely to appreciate planning and routine, along with an enjoyment of things being settled rather than open-ended. While this can make both types feel a bit bored from time to time, they won’t upset the balance crafted by the partnership very frequently. They’re also very likely to respect one another’s routines and preferences.

INFJ Male Expressions

Males are typically socialized to be focused on logic and facts rather than thinking. This socialization does not match very well with the INFJ’s natural tendencies, so male INFJs may find themselves at odds with their gender role from time to time. As INFJs prioritize being true to their own hearts, they may have to pick between being a “real man” or themselves.

INFJs feel very deeply and craft intricate internal lives and moral systems that they will adhere to above all other concerns. INFJs are also usually quite sensitive, so males of this type may find that typical masculine ripping or teasing is a little harsher than it would otherwise be.

However, females can be drawn to INFJ males precisely because of this sensitivity and preference for emotionality. Many females find that typical men aren’t well enough in tune with their own emotions to make good conversational partners; they shouldn’t have any trouble with an INFJ man.

INFJ men may be very good at cultivating romantic relationships and understanding their feminine partners. Their focus on making decisions and preference for things being settled can also make them appear decisive: a preferential trait in most traditional courtship scenarios.

INFJ Female Expressions

INFJ females will find themselves much more included in traditional gender roles. INFJs are naturally focused on feelings and sensitivity, and these preferences match well with how women are normally socialized.

Men will often find INFJ women attractive because of their sensitivity and caring features. When combined with the female gender role, INFJ women are often nurturing and make excellent mothers or partners in many respects. Their personality also lends itself well to known feminine professions like nursing, counseling, or teaching.

INTJ Male Expressions

INTJ males are thought to be more common than INTJ women, though this may be because typical INTJ expression matches up with colder masculine attitudes. Indeed, INTJs are well-known for their aloofness and focus on concepts or their own ideas, disappearing into their own heads and considering themselves to be among the smartest in the room.

Thus, INTJ men will seem fairly typical, if more isolated than gregarious males. INTJ men can be attractive precisely because of their focuses on getting things done and logic over emotion: both are aspects that are heavily associated with traditional masculinity and may be attractive to women for that reason.

INTJ men also tend to be very decisive. While they aren’t leaders in the strictest sense, they can take charge when the situation calls for it and their certainty in their own intelligence manifests as confidence that many women find intriguing. Where INTJ men may find trouble is when their disinterest in emotion is expressed harshly or hurtfully to their female companions.

INTJ Female Expressions

INTJ women will have a much harder time in general than their male counterparts. INTJs are known to be stoic, intellectual, and uninterested in emotion: all traits that are not usually associated with traditional femininity. Because of this, INTJ women might be considered butch or unattractive by many men and/or women.

However, many men will also find the INTJ expressions of these women to be attractive precisely because they don’t fit the common mold. There are plenty of men who are attracted to women who are more logical rather than emotional, particularly if the man in question already has enough feelings to go around.

These women also tend to be highly intelligent and very confident in their chosen field or profession. Perhaps because of discrimination they currently face in many workplaces, INTJ women must often prove themselves many times over to be given the same respect as a man in the same position. Never ones to back down from a challenge, INTJ women may find this discrimination appalling and become even better at their chosen vocation as a result.

Why the Pairing Works

INFJs and INTJs work as a pairing for their type similarities but also because of how complementary their expressions end up panning out. For instance, INFJs are usually quite emotional and can easily read their own feelings and those of others. This works well when paired with an INTJ, who’s usually focused on other things far from the matters of the heart.

Similarly, INTJs can be excellent decision-makers and planners and can take care of more of the problem-solving aspects of a relationship than their INFJ partners. This complementary element shows up regardless of which partner is male or female.

In a way, both types attract one another because they make up for the weaknesses of their type. INFJs compensate for the lack of emotionality that most INTJs express or think about and the reverse is true concerning logic stoicism.

In addition, when males are INFJs and females are INTJs, a lot of relationships spice can be derived from how mismatched the partner’s gender expression seems with their typical role. A person looking for a more unique experience or bored with “typical” men and women will find a worthy partner in a male INFJ or female INTJ.

Conclusion

Overall, INFJs and INTJs are extremely compatible regardless of gender, though things can get very interesting and complementary when men are INFJs and women are INTJs. The types are naturally complementary, and the reversal of traditional gender roles or attitudes can be both attractive and interesting over the long-term.

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To fully understand any personality type, you have to learn about the primary or cognitive functions that drive most of their decisions as well as their secondary or shadow functions. Despite the name, shadow functions aren’t all bad. Let’s dive into all eight major functions of the ENFP: a rare but hard-to-forget personality type.

Cognitive Functions

The four primary functions of an ENFP individual determine how the person acts in their day-to-day life and helps to find their personality. The functions are dominant in order from most to least, and each plays a vital role in how the ENFP perceives the world and responds to stimuli.

Ne – Extraverted Intuition
The dominant function of the ENFP is extroverted intuition. This is one of the main factors that assist the ENFP’s creativity and helps them notice patterns or symbols around them. It’s also the main reason why they can draw connections between people and understand relationships extremely intuitively. Additionally, Ne provides the ENFP with a rich inner world. This results in most ENFPs developing hard moral systems, including ideas about right and wrong, relatively early in life.

Fi – Introverted Feeling
ENFPs’ secondary or auxiliary function is introverted feeling. This means that the ENFP’s emotional awareness is usually centered inward, focused on their own emotions rather than sensing the emotions of others. This, too, causes the ENFP to have a strong sense of morals early in life and drives them to adhere to those morals even when challenged by the outside world. Introverted feeling causes ENFPs to have a very strong sense of self, which can help them go against the grain even when their normal social tendency is to be friendly and smooth things over in the event of a conflict.

Te – Extraverted Thinking
This tertiary function of the ENFP is how they primarily use logic and rationality. Their thinking function is focused on the outside world, which helps them remember facts and other information with excellent accuracy. It also imbues the ENFP individual with a detail-oriented mindset in many cases; they can sometimes combine this with their intuitive function and detect patterns or connections between events or facts better than other types.

Si – Introverted Sensing
The fourth and inferior function of the ENFP is introverted sensing. As their sensory function is directed inward like their feeling function, ENFPs often use this to sink into memory and recall excellent details when needed. It also tends to make ENFPs rather nostalgic, sometimes to their detriment. However, their P function normally prevents ENFPs from being overly sentimental or trapped in the past. Instead, ENFPs are more likely to use this function to determine what new experiences they want to seek out.

Shadow Functions

In the Myers-Briggs typing system, shadow functions of the personality operate largely in the unconscious. This isn’t to say that these shadow functions aren’t helpful or only appear in times of stress but that they represent the lesser developed portions of a personality. Shadow functions can be important for safety and can’t be fully neglected, either.

Instead, shadow functions’ bad rap comes largely because people don’t develop these functions and so only see them in times of duress. Indeed, shadow functions normally crop up when things get tough, so the harsh, defense variations of these functions are those most well-known. Shadow functions are normally the inverse of the dominant cognitive functions.

Ni – Introverted Intuition
This mirror version of the ENFP’s main function isn’t nearly as well-developed as their dominant function. It looks inward with intuition and considers the ENFP’s gut feelings more often than not. When expressed in times of stress, ENFPs can sometimes jump to conclusions or make connections that aren’t really there. When trained properly, this shadow function can also help ENFPs get accurate functions about people or things. However, many ENFPs end up trusting their gut to their own detriment when threatened.

Fe – Extraverted Thinking
This is a reversal of the introverted thinking the ENFP normally uses. When triggered, it causes the ENFP to look outward and tried to detect the emotions of other people. While this is a fine goal, it’s also normally underdeveloped and can cause the ENFP to read people incorrectly. In addition, it’s a stark contrast from the self-confidence that the ENFP normally enjoys. Individuals who start to rely on this function can start on a terrible path of self-doubt or rely on the feelings of the group for decisions. This is not only draining but bad for the ENFP’s desire for individuality.

Ti – Introverted Thinking
The ENFP’s third shadow function is introverted thinking. As the name suggests, it causes the ENFP to look inward for information. Since this function is normally triggered during times of stress, the ENFP may act extremely cold or logical to those they disagree with. Words or “facts” may be hurled as weapons. However, being undeveloped, introverted thinking when used in this way can cause the ENFP to spit out incorrect information and appear misinformed, further driving them away from social cohesion and making them feel even more self-doubt.

Se – Extraverted Sensing
This final shadow function is a reversal of their normal inferior function. The requisite focus on extroverted sensing and the outside world can manifest as the ENFP seeking incredible sensations to drown out the discomfort they feel from their other functions. When in the grip of this function, the ENFP may act recklessly or cross emotional boundaries without care for the thoughts or feelings of others. This can also manifest as rash decision-making, which can lead to trouble in the long or short term. It’s also ultimately unfulfilling for the ENFP, as they’re normally drawn toward their own imaginations rather than actual physical sensations.

Sarcastic Functions

Another great way to understand the cognitive functions of the ENFP is to consider the stereotypical or humorous versions of each major function. Types are often identified according to stereotype, at least until you understand yourself or the person you are trying to type more fully. Let’s give some sarcastic, funny examples of each cognitive function.

Ne – Extraverted Intuition
Extraverted intuition, especially when paired with the other functions of an ENFP, usually shows up as an extremely hyperactive and endlessly curious individual. In kids, it might be brushed off; as adults, the ENFP is a maniac always trying to get a party together or go on an adventure. Adult responsibilities? Who needs those!?

Fi – Introverted Feeling
For the ENFP, the introverted feeling is super important. So much so that the ENFP has an overabundance of feelings that they just have to share with everything. They love you, and you, and you, and you…

Te – Extraverted Thinking
An ENFP’s thinking function isn’t the most dominant of their personality, but they somehow think that all of their ideas are not only logical but correct. Listen to them tell a story about their life experiences and somehow tie it into your current problem…

Si – Introverted Sensing
Introverted sensors overanalyze little things and are likely to make a big deal out of nothing. For ENFPs, it’s probably something you said that hurt their feelings five years ago that they still haven’t forgotten. They’ll never let you forget it, either.

Conclusion

Ultimately, ENFPs are dynamic and interesting individuals. Their cognitive and shadow functions work together to create a well-rounded personality that can alternatively be the life of the party and have a richly cultivated inner moral framework.

The post 12 ENFP Functions Explained – Cognitive, Shadow and Sarcastic appeared first on BrandonGaille.com.

Awaken the Giant Within is a 1991 book by the famous Tony Robbins. In its pages, Robbins provides personalized advice gleaned from decades of experience to help you overcome bad habits and unleash your full potential in both body and mind.

A 3 Minute Summary of the 15 Core Lessons

#1 Three Decisions Matter
Robbins argues that there are three primary decisions we make every day and consistently across our lives that determine our destinies. The first of these decisions revolves around what we decide to focus on. This will affect our career goals and relationship ambitions, and they can allow us to focus our efforts on what really matters.

#2 Decide What Things Mean to You
The second key decision to make is to determine what various things mean to you as a person. It’s not enough to just take cultural values for granted and assume that they are actually important to your heart. You need to take a hard look at what you value and figure out what you actually think about the things in your life.

#3 Decide What to Do About Those Things
After you’ve identified the two above decisions and what they entail, you then need to decide what to do about those desires and beliefs. Only now, after identifying what you are after and what truly matters to your personal goals, can you start taking steps to readjust your life and align it with your ultimate objectives.

#4 Focus on the Destination, Rather than Fear
Robbins stresses that it is important for everyone to focus on where they want to go and who they want to be rather than allowing fear to arrest their development. Too many people, he says, waste their lives paralyzed by fear and indecision and never end up doing what they want or obtaining their lifelong achievements all because they let fear get the better of them.

#5 People Do Things For Two Reasons
Broadly speaking, people take actions for one of two reasons: either to avoid pain or gain pleasure. Understanding this will allow you to better examine why you take the actions you do and what motivates most of your responses to stimuli throughout your day. Do you live a primarily fearful life or do you spend most of your time chasing your goals?

#6 Five Major Elements
Robbins goes over the five major elements of your decision-making process: core rules or beliefs (which are often instilled in us as children), values, questions, references, and emotional states. All five of these elements dictate our daily routines and where we end up heading throughout life if we decide to run things on autopilot.

#7 Changing the Elements Changes Your Life
At the same time, while these elements work together to broadly determine the direction of our lives, changing just a single of them can result in a powerful adjustment to your daily experience. If you want to make a change in your life, focus on altering one of these elements and you’ll immediately see results for good or for ill.

#8 Hijack Your Habits
Robbins says that habits are inevitable, but what you should do is pair your bad habits with pain and pair your good habits with pleasure. As an example, Robbins suggests listening or singing to a song that you hate every time you want to eat a sugary snack that causes you to gain weight.

#9 Use Your Words!
Robbins draws from his experience as a public speaker and advises the reader to use their words to transform their daily experience. Learn new words and speak them to yourself to change your state of mind. You can reinforce your good feelings with powerful and positive words or make bad emotions seem less intense by using mitigating language.

#10 Make Up Rules To Follow
We too often make up rules that give others control over our lives. As an example, we only allow ourselves to be happy if our bosses are satisfied with our performances. You can instead make up different rules, like deciding to be happy if you do good work at your job regardless of whether or not your boss appreciates your efforts.

#11 How to Create Lasting Change
Robbins argues that there are three main ways to create lasting change in your life: raise your standards, change your beliefs (or the elements described earlier), or change your strategy. The first method involves not accepting mediocre work or effort from yourself or others who are important to you. Raise your standards both for your relationships and your work and you’ll see better results.

#12 Changing Limiting Beliefs
Too many of us are locked into old patterns of habit and inaction because we have certain limiting beliefs. Many of these come from childhood experiences, such as when we are told by our parents that we aren’t good enough for a particular sport or hobby. You must learn to change these beliefs to take away their power over your behavior.

#13 Altering Your Strategy
The final way to create lasting change is to alter whatever strategy you are currently following. If you have a long-term goal that you want to attain before you die, it only pays to use winning strategies. If you’ve been on the path to your goal for some time and haven’t yet achieved victory it may be time to switch things up and pursue a different strategy.

#14 Learn From Decisions
Robbins stresses the importance of learning from all your decisions, especially since some of them won’t be perfectly successful. Don’t get discouraged by your failures but instead, take every opportunity to learn from decisions that don’t work so you don’t make them again.

#15 Learn to Enjoy Making Decisions
Finally, Robbins advises anyone looking to create lasting change in their life to get used to enjoying making decisions. You’ll be able to flexibly adapt your strategy and more consistently pursue your goals if you get in the habit of relishing in the chance to control your destiny and make real decisions that yield tangible results.

Top 10 Quotes from Awaken the Giant Within

1. “If you can’t you must, and if you must you can.”
2. “I’ve come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy. ”
3. “When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.”
4. “Every problem is a gift – without problems we would not grow.”
5. “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”
6. “The path to success is to take massive, determined action.”
7. “It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives. It’s what we do consistently.”
8. “It is your decisions, and not your conditions, that determine your destiny.”
9. “Focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear.”
10. “People are not lazy, they simply have impotent goals..that is..goals that do not inspire them.”

Free PDF Download of the Summary to Save or Print

Go here to download the Awaken the Giant Within PDF Summary.

Tony’s 10 Rules for Success

The Famous Tony Robbins Ted Talk

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The primary cognitive functions, according to the Myers-Briggs personality type system, determine how you interact with the world and how you see things. For some types, this is easy to understand; for others, not so much. Let’s do a deep dive into the ISTP type and see what makes them tick.

Cognitive Functions

Ti – Introverted Thinking
As the name suggests, the dominant function of the ISTP is focused on internal thinking. Another good way to look at it is a logical analysis done over things or ideas found in the ISTP’s own head, rather than logic focus on external stimuli or facts. This often results in the ISTP mulling over things for a long time, but it also helps the ISTP understand themselves very well. Because they’re a T-type, ISTPs are very good at performing logical analysis, particularly when it comes to their own concerns or goals.

In addition, this variation of thinking lends itself quite well to overanalyzing certain facts or figures. Basically, the ISTP can absorb information and find connections or answers to questions that may have stumped other people. They tend to be excellent problem solvers when given enough time to think about the issue at hand. This is opposed to extroverted thinkers that can more quickly make executive decisions. The ISTP’s deeper understanding of the problem may lead up to the right answer without making a mistake.

As the dominant function of the ISTP, this function overrides all the others most of the time and is the primary lens through which the individual interacts with the world.

Se – Extraverted Sensing
The secondary or auxiliary function of the ISTP is extroverted sensing. This describes how these people take in information. In a nutshell, they turned their senses outward and pay attention to what they can see, smell, taste, touch, or otherwise detect. This naturally lends itself to a very present mindset and ensures that ISTPs notice a lot about what goes on around them. Not much gets by the attentive ISTP.

It also has a tendency to override the introverted thinking that is the ISTP’s actual dominant function. Many people will see an ISTP interacting with the world and physically touching or experiencing things and consider them to be a quiet extrovert. This auxiliary function can also make ISTPs seem like people of action, even if they haven’t fully committed to the course of action in their heads quite yet.
ISTPs also get a lot of joy from physical experiences or interactions as a result of this function’s high placement in their cognitive list.

Ni – Introverted Intuition
ISTPs’ third major function is introverted intuition. As an inward-focused function, this causes the ISTP to concentrate their pattern or symbol analysis on their internal thoughts and feelings. When combined with their introverted thinking, ISTPs can make surprisingly elegant and accurate leaps of logic that nonetheless turn out to be correct. It also grants them apparently predictive abilities as they notice patterns or connections between facts or people that others may have missed.

However, the ISTP may not fully understand how this function works. As it’s intuitive and the opposite of their more dominant sensing function, the logical leaps made during this process can appear to come out of nowhere. ISTPs may have difficulty explaining how they reach certain conclusions, especially if those conclusions turn out to be correct.

Well-adjusted ISTPs may eventually start calling this their hunch or gut feeling and learn to trust it from time to time.

Fe – Extraverted Feeling
The fourth and inferior function of the ISTP is extraverted feeling. It’s not nearly as strong as the other functions but still plays a vital role in day-to-day life and in protecting the ISTP’s complete psyche.

Boiled down, extroverted feeling helps the ISTP understand other people and may inspire humanitarian or moral action. It can drive the ISTP to apply their powerful logical and intuitive centers toward “getting” the feelings of other people or seeing connections in the social sphere. However, as the inferior function, this extroverted feeling is often not developed until the ISTP is well into adulthood.

This can result in an ISTP feeling a bit left out of social circles or conversations or feel like they are missing some key part of being in a group. This contributes to the typical isolation that many ISTPs experience at one time or another.
As an extroverted function, it also doesn’t lend itself very well to understanding the ISTP’s own feelings. As a result, they may have difficulty

explaining to others how they feel or relating to another person in an intimate conversation. When they find a romantic partner, chances are good that they pair up with someone who knows how to parse emotional “data” and can help the ISTP, in turn, understand themselves.

How the ISTP’s Functions Display Themselves

Because of the dominance of the introverted thinking function, many ISTPs approach practically every encounter or problem in their world with a logical and problem-solving viewpoint. Even when meeting other people, ISTPs may try to determine how best to converse with a person for maximum gain or to limit harm rather than facilitating a genuine emotional connection.

Additionally, the ISTP is often quite hungry for new knowledge. Being a P-type, ISTPs are inherently interested in possibilities and open-ended knowledge. They’re more comfortable with things being unsettled rather than settled, so they appreciate mysteries and opportunities to learn new things regardless of field. They’re especially interested when the topic at hand is something they are already interested in.

However, ISTPs aren’t necessarily very risky or spontaneous. Being heavy introverts, ISTPs appreciate having lots of time to mull over their thoughts and feelings and decide the best course of action before committing to a plan. Thus, they’re less likely to take a random vacation without any warning but are likely to take a new vacation every year, preferably after plenty of research.

Physically, ISTPs tend to be high when it comes to spatial navigation and logical analysis. This may make them good at various physical activities or sports, particularly if they have time to practice before showcasing their skills. Being problem solvers by nature, ISTPs may spend plenty of time perfecting their techniques before coming to conclusions about their abilities or whether they like an activity.

Novel problems and situations are great for ISTPs, so they’ll likely find careers that allow them to bring their considerable intellects to bear on fresh problems all the time. They enjoy coming up with innovative approaches to problems and are some of the most creative people you can meet.

In romantic attachments, ISTPs are likely to be drawn to those complementary rather than opposite of their natures. They’ll probably have a better time conversing with another S-type, but their strong N function means they can also get along quite well with other intuitive types. Their strong introversion means they’ll probably pair with another introvert rather than a complementary extrovert, although they can make a good partner for a more structured J-type thanks to their love of “thinking time”.

Conclusion

All in all, ISTPs are a fantastic personality type and one of the most interesting to learn about on a deeper level. As they’re so quiet and focused, there’s often more than meets the eye with these men and women. Use the above function descriptions to determine whether you are an ISTP or if you know one in your life!

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Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More than IQ is a 2005 book by Daniel Goleman. Within its pages, Goleman discusses how rational and emotional thinking affects our destinies and how emotional intelligence is more crucial than many might think.

A 3 Minute Summary of the 15 Core Lessons

#1 There are Two Separate Minds
Goleman’s primary idea is that there are two separate minds living within our brains; one of them is rational and one of them is emotional. Both of these minds combined are what cause us to make decisions in our everyday lives and are often why some of our life trajectories can appear relatively unplanned or illogical.

#2 IQ is only Somewhat Valuable
Goleman makes the bold claim that your IQ score only contributes about 20% of your life’s overall success. This is in stark contrast to what most people think, as they tend to rely on IQ as a catchall term for general intelligence. However, Goleman suggests that your IQ only measures your rational intelligence and your ability to complete raw problems that don’t deal with emotions.

#3 The Five Areas of Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Rather than discuss emotional intelligence as a general form of smarts, Goleman distinctly separates emotional intelligence into five major aspects: empathy, self-motivation, self-awareness, handling relations, and managing emotions. Each of these is very important in different aspects of your life and each must be nurtured to boost your overall emotional intelligence.

#4 The Emotional Brain Came First
Goleman explains that the emotional brain was the first to evolve, and this can be seen by studying neurological scams of the anatomically modern human brain. You can see the emotional regions of your mind in the bottom areas of your brain, while the rational part of your brain is in the outer upper regions. The emotional brain often acts faster and can easily override the rational brain if you aren’t careful.

#5 Empathy
Goleman explains what each aspect of emotional intelligence covers. Empathy is the awareness of others’ emotions and it requires us to be calm and somewhat rational rather than in a heightened emotional state ourselves. We must be able to somewhat mirror the physiological state of our conversational partner. If done properly, you’ll be able to actually feel what other people feel.

#6 Self-Motivation
This aspect of emotional intelligence is quite hard to train if you aren’t already practiced in it. It’s the state of being optimistic or hopeful even if you face difficulties in your life. It also affects ideas about delayed gratification, which can stop us from making short-term but bad choices. Instead, you may make more difficult but good choices for long-term benefits.

#7 Self-Awareness
This aspect of EQ is also difficult for many. It requires lots of practice just sitting and listening to how you feel and experience your emotions without judgment. You need to learn to become aware of your emotions as you experience them, particularly negative feelings such as anger, depression, and anxiety.

#8 Handling Relationships
Goleman states that a key component of an emotionally mature person is that they know how to resolve conflicts and properly argue without causing too many negative emotions to flow and avoid “emotional flooding”. Adequate handling of your relationships will lead to greater life satisfaction and a better feeling overall as you interact with those close to you.

#9 Managing Emotions
This doesn’t refer to handling the emotions of others but instead handling your own. You need to learn techniques to manage your negative feelings, so they don’t last as long and they aren’t as potent. Some of these techniques include increasing your physical arousal or experiences if you’re depressed or reframing a situation that caused you emotional trauma in the past.

#10 Flow State
One of the key benefits of high emotional intelligence is that you’ll be able to enjoy the “flow state” much more often. A flow state is what happens when your emotions and focus are both aligned and channeled toward a single task. You lose track of time and do excellent work in whatever hobby or skill you already have experience with. This is not only extremely productive but also emotionally satisfying.

#11 Those With High EQ Are Likely to be Successful
Goleman noted that those with higher levels of emotional intelligence are likely to have healthier and more successful lives, using research to distinguish those folks from those without much emotional intelligence. This makes sense when you consider that emotions are something you have to live with all day every day, so having more positive experiences will necessarily lead to a better life experience as a whole.

#12 EQ is Needed for Business
If you ever plan to manage your own business or rise to any supervisory position within your profession, you’ll need high emotional intelligence to manage your underlings. Bosses or superiors that don’t have high EQ will end up fostering an environment of negative emotions, which will lower their productivity and make the life experiences of all their workers much worse.

#13 Teams Work Because of EQ
The most successful and productive teams are often not those with the highest IQ members on their rosters. Instead, successful teams more often have many members with high EQ ratings, which indicates that the team members can all get along with one another and emotions don’t interfere with goal-seeking or task completion.

#14 Low EQ Leads to Health Problems
Goleman makes sure to note that many people have low emotional literacy, which makes them unable to distinguish between negative emotions. They react poorly to many stressful situations and make poor life choices that lower their overall health and life expectancy. If you want to live a long and full life, EQ is a necessity.

#15 EQ is Important for Marriage
One of the most important ways in which EQ can benefit your life is with your marriage. As divorce is on the rise, healthy couples will need to double down on their emotional intelligence now more than ever. Both members must be able to recognize and control their own feelings while successfully understanding and managing the emotions of their significant other.

Top 10 Quotes from Emotional Intelligence

1. “In a very real sense we have two minds, one that thinks and one that feels.”
2. “People’s emotions are rarely put into words, far more often they are expressed through other cues. The key to intuiting another’s feelings is in the ability to read nonverbal channels , tone of voice , gesture , facial expression and the like.”
3. “Emotional self-control- delaying gratification and stifling impulsiveness- underlies accomplishment of every sort.”
4. “Our emotional mind will harness the rational mind to its purposes, for our feelings and reactions– rationalizations– justifying them in terms of the present moment, without realizing the influence of our emotional memory.”
5. “There is perhaps no psychological skill more fundamental than resisting impulse.”
6. “But the rational mind usually doesn’t decide what emotions we “should” have !”
7. “Emotional self-awareness is the building block of the next fundamental emotional intelligence: being able to shake off a bad mood.”
8. “Leadership is not domination, but the art of persuading people to work toward a common goal.”
9. “Feelings are self-justifying, with a set of perceptions and “proofs” all their own.”
10. “Benjamin Franklin put it well: “Anger is never without a reason, but seldom a good one.”

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INFPs and INTPs both resemble each other since both of them are a little kooky and rebellious by nature. Both of these personality types don’t feel restricted by the rules and regulations imposed by others and are often far ahead of the pack when it comes to setting their paths. INFPs and INTPs both tend to be honest and unique, and they typically show no interest in conforming to society’s norms.

Both personality types have a fierce individuality, but they also both often experience anxiety and depression. They can feel overwhelmed when they come up against a strict deadline, for example. Both INFPs and INTPs are Intuitive Perceivers that work better without constraints.

These personality types are slightly similar because they share some of the same auxiliary and tertiary functions (Extraverted Intuition, or Ne, and Introverted Sensing, or Se). Because they share these two factors, many people feel these personality types are identical, but they aren’t. We’ll break down below some of the vital differences you need to know between INFPs and INTPs.

1. Accepting Other’s Opinions
An INFP will listen to another person’s opinions and give them all manner of respect. However, they tend not to budge much when it comes to changing their feelings. While they are just fine listening to others express their feelings for hours without interruption, when it comes to arguing with them and changing their perspective, you probably won’t get them to budget.

INTPS, on the other hand, is more interested in the logic behind the argument. If a person has a decent set of logical illustrations, they just might change their opinions. However, if you lack in the logic department, expect to get into a heated debate with them.

2. Different Worldviews
INFPs are more likely to care about honesty above all other things, and they can’t stand cognitive dissonance. They have a very rigid moral compass, while they are still very tolerant of what other people think. However, while they’ll accept other’s opinions, they won’t do much to revise their own views even if other people have very strong arguments about why they should do so. They’ll listen attentively, but they won’t budge on their own opinions.

INTPs don’t tend to be as strict when it comes to their worldview. They are more able to adapt and evolve if they feel another person has an excellent point and enough logic to back it up. For example, many of these types are interested in agnosticism because it seems like the most logical religious perspective. They are rational thinkers that are willing to accept others’ logical arguments.

3. Imaginations
INFPs have worlds that are full of dreams, fantasies, and plenty of colors. They enjoy stories that have characters that defy the norm, which is part of their Fi. They even prefer video games with exciting plots and solid characters so they can feel the emotion as they play the game. To them, the media needs to identify with them and their emotional needs for them to listen. INFPs, for the most part, enjoy engaging in the world of fantasy.

INFPs, on the other hand, are more interested in non-fiction stories and movies and don’t care about feelings or relationships. These types prefer good history books or science magazines for their reading at night. It wouldn’t be surprising even to find this personality type reading a thesaurus or a dictionary. They love items that are particularly well researched. They only typically appreciate fiction when it’s tied to a real-life experience.

4. Feelings
Ti dominates INTPs, so that can make them feel estranged from their feelings at times. Because they sometimes disconnect from felling and meaning, the INTP usually fears that life is meaningless, and everything is nihilistic. To help them get past this fear, they try to form interpersonal relationships that allow them to explore subjects like psychology and philosophy.

INFPs, on the other hand, have the opposite sense of fear. These people aren’t as disconnected from their feelings. So, they don’t worry as much about a lack of meaning to life. However, they do appreciate structure and logic. That means they often find themselves interested in science, computers, math, and the law. So, many of them try to create meaning by finding structure in their lives.

5. Fears
INFPs tend to be very loyal to their friends and family members. They also fear losing those closest to them through conflicts or drifting. When there is a significant change or separation, this personality type can take things rough. When this happens, they start holding back their feelings until they ultimately explode. If an INFP realizes there can be better days ahead following a separation, then they can finally begin to heal.

INTPs fear getting stuck and do not enjoy feeling as is their potential is wasting away. That can sometimes cause them to act arrogant and immature because they are trying to display that they are smarter than you. However, at heart, they really lack confidence at this point. They may even stay away from arguments and debates when they are in this particular mood.

6. Stress
These two personality types respond very differently to stress. When either one of these personality types is under an overwhelming amount of stress, they won’t behave normally. An INFP will start overworking themselves, exercising too much, or over-socializing to numb the issue that’s causing them to act so oddly. While it may seem like they are very productive, they are using a form of escapism.

INTPs, on the other hand, can explode with anger or even cry when everything seems to be falling apart. They can then start asking desperate and will even disconnect and isolate. INTPs can also have difficulty trusting others when they are too stressed.

7. Work Ethic
INFPs have a solid work ethic and don’t mind throwing themselves into work when other things get tough. While that’s a form of escapism, even when they are balanced, they tend to be very productive individuals.

INTPs are more inclined to do what they need to do to get the job done. We couldn’t quite classify them as workaholics, but they know they need money to pay for food and bills.

8. Creativity
Both INTPs and INFPs are very process-focused, the way they approach this focus varies. INFPs enjoy self-discovery and creativity and are very happy using that to fulfill their lives. INTPs, on the other hand, tend to be a lot more analytical with their creativity. They are very logical, so they’ll often come up with new ideas based on the illogical things they see around them.

9. Clarity
INTPs lack some clarity when it comes to progressing toward psychological wholeness. It can be difficult for them to revise their approaches to happiness, and often have to learn to let go. INFPs, on the other hand, are more willing to explore the concept of psychological wholeness since they love the process of self-discovery.

10. Comfort
INFPs enjoy the softer side of things, even if their romantic relationships don’t always demonstrate that. They enjoy cute animals, romantic stories, and hugs. INFPs enjoy being happy, and also enjoy creating joy in others around them.

INTPs are more relaxed about comfort. They’ll ignore the fact that they are sick until it’s obvious they need to start working, for instance. They don’t enjoy being sick because they can’t stand being bored.

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Creativity, Inc.: Overcoming the Unseen Forces that Stand in the Way of True Inspiration is a 2014 book by Amy Wallace and Edwin Catmull. It’s about how to foster and manage your creativity both in yourself and your team.

A 3 Minute Summary of the 15 Core Lessons

#1 Teams Matter More Than Ideas
This book studies the life of Edwin Catmull, who headed Pixar for several years. But most of the time, Catmull was surrounded by teams with just as much creative energy and drive as their leader. One of the main points of this book is that epic teams are much better than singularly creative ideas. Even talented people can make an otherwise general idea more creative.

#2 Creative Workspaces Matter
Another key insight from this book is that the space in which you attempt to be creative matters a great deal. Our brains are naturally plastic to some extent and will take inspiration from their environments. Having a creative place for your imagination to bloom to its greatest extent is important for any creative professional.

#3 Allow Individual Creative Spaces
Similar to the above idea, leaders of creative organizations or companies should let their employees or workers have their own creative control over their workspace. Don’t force all of your followers to work in gray cubes that all look the same. Instead, give control over the creative workspace to your employees and they’ll work better and your workspace will look more interesting at the same time.

#4 Share Blame
When it comes to creative endeavors, blame rarely falls upon a single individual. Pixar, when led by Catmull, had a policy of understanding that mistakes are inevitable and were always made by teams instead of individuals. This prevents people from feeling like they individually screwed up too much on a project and helps to cushion the feelings of workers and leaders.

#5 Humility is Necessary for Growth
This takeaway especially matters to creative leaders. As you seek out the right team for your project, you need to be prepared for your employees or workers to be more skilled or creative than you. Don’t always imagine that you need to have the best ideas more be the most creative person at the office. Instead, get used to the concept of your followers being stars of the show.

#6 The Right People are Critical
Similarly, when building a team of creative professionals, don’t be afraid to move on from a potential candidate or employee if they aren’t working out. A creative endeavor will only ever reach its maximum potential with the right people are working on the job. Sometimes this necessitates shaking up the roster so long as the reasons are sound.

#7 Don’t Be Afraid of Failure
Catmull reflects several times over the course of the book that his years at Pixar had just as many failures as they did successes. Failure is not something to run away from, especially in the creative arts. Instead of being afraid of failure and looking at it as something to avoid, learn from each of your failures and work well to avoid repeating mistakes.

#8 Keep Communicating
Many less creative companies don’t have open-door policies between followers and leaders, which can lead to miscommunication and a sense that feelings are not being respected. Having an open-door policy is critical to facilitate excellent follower feedback and help leaders realize where they need to focus their efforts.

#9 Exchange of Ideas is Crucial
Since most creative efforts are at least somewhat a team endeavor, you should always work to ensure that the flow of ideas is unrestricted and never-ending. Don’t let people dominate the conversation and, at the same time, don’t let people feel that their ideas are not worth sharing. The right creative input or direction can come from anywhere and anyone.

#10 Don’t Discount New Ideas
This is simple, but many leaders failed to remember that new and great ideas can come from unexpected sources rather than the regular star employees. Don’t discount the opinions of newer workers or people that don’t usually speak up. They may have insight or ideas that are better than the stuff offered by regular producers.

#11 Creative Leadership is About Serving
Catmull contests that the job of a manager is about supporting others rather than seeking the spotlight for yourself. You should try to harness the creativity of your team and remove problems in the way of their goals.

#12 Solve Problems Creatively
It’s no secret that any creative organization or product will face problems throughout its creation. But you should always attempt to solve those problems as creatively as possible. Go against the grain and look at issues in a new light whenever you can.

#13 Protect New Ideas
We as humans have a tendency to dislike new ideas out of habit. They aren’t familiar and they aren’t necessarily welcome even in the creative arts. As a leader, you should always try to protect new ideas and give them their fair trial in the marketplace of ideas. Don’t automatically think that new creative outlooks or directions aren’t worthwhile just because they haven’t been tried before or you aren’t used to them personally.

#14 Appreciate Your Talent
A good creative manager will also take the time and attention to positively appreciate his or her talented workers. The employees that make up most of the creative organization are the lifeblood of any artistic effort. A good leader will always try to appreciate their talent and make sure that each person in the group knows how vital their role is for the overall success of the operation.

#15 Not Every Day will be Great
Even in the midst of great creative production, there are going to be days where things don’t go as planned and where there are more difficulties than successes. It’s important to accept this as part of the process rather than be bogged down by negative thinking. Stay focused on the big picture and don’t let small bad days ruin the entire effort.

Top 10 Quotes from Creativity, Inc.

1. “If you give a good idea to a mediocre team, they will screw it up. If you give a mediocre idea to a brilliant team, they will either fix it or throw it away and come up with something better.”
2. “You are not your idea, and if you identify too closely with your ideas, you will take offense when they are challenged.”
3. “If you aren’t experiencing failure, then you are making a far worse mistake: You are being driven by the desire to avoid it.”
4. “Getting the right people and the right chemistry is more important than getting the right idea.”
5. “When it comes to creative inspiration, job titles and hierarchy are meaningless.”
6. “When faced with a challenge, get smarter.”
7. “Fear can be created quickly; trust can’t.”
8. “Craft is what we are expected to know; art is the unexpected use of our craft.”
9. “What is the point of hiring smart people, we asked, if you don’t empower them to fix what’s broken?”
10. “Always take a chance on better, even if it seems threatening.”

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The ISFJ personality prefers to be in caring, nurturing romantic relationships. As a personality type, the ISFJ is a caring, social creature that enjoys being taken care of, and having somebody, they can also care for romantically. Romantic relationships are significant for ISFJs, and they tend to make warm, loving partners.

If you happen to be in a relationship with an ISFJ, then then you probably feel that your ISFJ partner is attentive to you and willing to help you with anything you need. As long as an ISFJ has a partner that is willing to treat them similarly, the ISFJ will likely be happy with the relationship.

With that being said, here are six areas that will help you fully understand the ISFJ personality in the context of relationships.

#1 Attracting an ISFJ

If you’re interested in dating an ISFJ, then you’ll need to know more about what will attract this personality type to you. ISFJs do place a lot of importance on romantic relationships in their lives. ISFJs seek to connect with somebody they feel is worth sharing their experiences with, but they are still flirty, charming individuals when they want to be. Most people view ISFJs as reserved people that keep to themselves, but that’s not always the case when they are interested in somebody of the opposite sex.

ISFJs have their ways of flirting, and they try to draw attention to themselves in different ways. ISFJs, even if quiet, are still very interested in finding the right partner. Most ISFJs are looking for something long-term because they want to share their lives with a potential partner. If they experience a casual fling or a long process of dating different people, it’s all because they are searching for a life partner. So, casual flings aren’t typical for them since it isn’t typically part of their romantic goals.

#2 ISFJs in Relationships

If you’re interested in an ISFJ, then you’ll need to present yourself as a potential worthwhile life partner that’s just as dedicated as your ISFJ. ISFJs tend to be very loyal and committed when they are in a romantic relationship. Individuals that aren’t serious about relationships can cause a lot of emotional harm to an ISFJ. So, if you aren’t interested in something that’s long-term, do that ISFJ you care about favor and stay away. Many ISFJs have gone through this type of pain before, so they’ll be careful when they pick a partner, and they’ll take things slow until they feel there is an excellent chance that the relationship will work.

If you are a new partner in a relationship with an ISFJ, keep in mind that it can take some time to prove your worth to them. You might have to hang in there and demonstrate your commitment. Once you do, you’ll have a loyal and dedicated partner. Your ISFJ will commit totally to your relationship as soon as you’ve proven yourself. Once you reach this stage of the relationship, you’ll notice how happy your ISFJ is. As long as you can return your ISFJ’s warm, loving feelings and be there for them, they’ll always be there for you. They make great partners and love building a family and a house with a person that they love.

#3 Emotional Expression in Relationships

Once you and your ISFJ are in the committed stages of a relationship, they’ll express their feelings for you by doing things for you. They are slightly shy, so words aren’t always the best ways for them to express their love. Instead, they are more likely to use actions to demonstrate their feelings to another. They often adapt to the love language used by the other party to show their affection. Since ISFJs have high emotional intelligence, they can often sense what their partner needs in a moment, and they’ll adapt to provide that necessity to their partner. Since they are so willing to adapt to another person that they love, they tend to make excellent long-term partners in romance.

#4 Flirting with an ISFJ

ISFJs can be playful when they flirt, especially if they are interested in you. However, they won’t make apparent advances because they don’t want to scare away their potential partner of interest. ISFJs worry about sharing their real feelings with others, so their advances will be shrouded in some secrecy. They tend to want to attract attention from their love interest because they seek out care from that person. However, an ISFJ will never be evident and direct about their feelings. Instead, they’ll try to grab the other person’s interest. They don’t enjoy making the first romantic move because of their constant fear of rejection. This fear comes across in the ISFJ’s willingness to tease somebody instead of directly flirting with them. If you notice that your ISFJ tries to make you laugh often and acts playful around you, then that person is probably flirting with you.

Sometimes, an ISFJ will even avoid a person they are attracted to because they are too worried about sharing their feelings. When that happens, they’ll try to draw in the object of their affection from far away. For example, an ISFJ might start hanging out with the same group of friends and try to get attention in a social group situation hoping they can attract their crush. ISFJs do struggle with being direct with people they are romantically interested in, so they won’t always directly flirt with their love interest, either.

#5 ISFJs and Potential Partners

ISFJs do want long-term romantic relationships and have a distinct desire to find happiness in this way. However, they do struggle to find the right partner because they are shy and quiet people. They don’t like going out into uncomfortable situations, and they can feel less than adequate during specific social outings, like parties. Because of this, some ISFJs feel lonely for many years until they learn that they may need to open up to people to find a romantic partner. ISFJs are comfortable with co-workers and friends, and this is how they usually learn to start opening up to people to find a romantic partner. That’s why several ISFJs wind up dating people that they work with, or that they already know in other social situations.

#6 ISFJs and Partnership

An ISFJ’s auxiliary function is extraverted feeling, which is why they are so emotionally intelligent. This emotional intelligence is part of what makes them such great long-term partners because they can tell how other people feel quickly. Because they are so intuitive, they are great for introverted people that have issues stating how they feel or for thinkers that also tend to struggle with sincere emotional expression. ISFJs, therefore, do well with people that also struggle with expressing their emotions, since ISFJs can quickly sense what their partners are experiencing.

ISFJs are great partners for people that rely on a sensing function. Personalities that are abstract and speculative won’t work well with the common-sense, logical ISFJ. However, those that use introverted sensing will work very well with an ISFJ in a relationship. Introverted sensing works well for ISFJs if they have a partner that shares a similar function, bridging the couple together. However, ISFJs also work well with people that use extraverted sensing. That’s because a partner with extraverted sensing can force the ISFJ to get out of his or her boundaries and grow more.

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ISTJs are not very emotional people, and they tend to use their common sense and intelligence more than their feelings. For the ISTJ, the idea of emotions controlling them is something they care to avoid; instead, they’d rather allow their intelligence to lead them. However, that doesn’t mean ISTJs are incapable of emotions or loving relationships. Most ISTJs want to find a long-term romantic mate with which to spend the rest of their lives.

So, ISTJs aren’t into casual flings or dating. While they will date and possibly experience a fling from time to time, it’s all about finding a lifelong partner to them. ISTJs seek out partners that will commit to them and stick with them. ISTJs aren’t exceptionally great at flirting with others when they are interested. So, even if an ISTJs is interested in you, their methods of approach might not feel like flirting to you. However, just because most ISTJs don’t flirt as you’d expect, that doesn’t mean they don’t try to approach their crushes when they feel they might have found a worthwhile person.

Below, I elaborate on the findings in four key areas of ISTJ compatibility.

#1 ISTJs and Flirting

ISTJs don’t often hide their feelings when they have a crush on somebody. While they don’t flirt in a typical way, they will approach their love interest and ask plenty of questions. When an ISTJ feels intrigued by somebody, that ISTJ will do everything they can do get to know the person better to make sure they’ve found an excellent potential partner. So, they’ll spend plenty of time getting to know you if they are interested in you romantically. So, you will notice if an ISTJ seems interested in you because he or she will want to talk to you for hours and hours.

However, ISTJs aren’t always upbeat and positive, nor do they enjoy showing their feelings often when they are just getting to know somebody. An ISTJ won’t flirt with you emotionally or express any strong emotions as they get to know you. ISTJs prefer cutting to the chase and use a straightforward approach of talking and asking questions to learn more about their crush. The question and answer sessions help the ISTJ figure out if the person is worthwhile to date. Since ISTJs are so practical, they may put you through many question and answer sessions before they’ll ask you out on a date.

ISTJs won’t attempt to put anybody through this process. In essence, they’ll only take time out from their schedules to talk to a person if they are earnest about a relationship with that other individual. ISTJs don’t play games or lead people on; instead, they simply use their time to make sure they should date the individual they like. ISTJs like to feel particular about their next steps, and they don’t typically take action without studying things. They don’t want people that flirt often and don’t seem to care about the feelings of others. So, if you are trying to attract an ISTJ, be patient, participate in those long question and answer sessions, and don’t act overly flirty. Chances are if the ISTJ is already interested in you, then all you need to do is be yourself.

#2 ISTJs in Romantic Relationships

ISTJs tend to have traditional values when it comes to romantic relationships. They aren’t the type to try to find a date or that date just for fun. Instead, they tend to take dating very seriously and will only consider going out with somebody if that person seems like a good, long-term match for them. So, they are trying to find somebody that shares similar values, and that also wants a long-term romantic partner. Many ISTJs prefer traditional relationships with old school family values and traditional gender roles. ISTJs are inherently distrustful of changing ideas about the family structure, so they enjoy having a partner that agrees with them on these aspects.

ISTJs tend to be reserved, but they are very good at making their partners feel vital while they demonstrate their commitment to the relationship. ISTJs tend to be very dedicated to their partners once they are in a committed, long-term relationship. They may even adapt to their partner’s love dialogue and use it in return if it seems to make their partner happy. ISTJs are very good at sensing their partner’s emotions, and they are also very willing to adapt to that all in the name of love. Because ISTJs are eager to go out of their way to keep their partners happy, they are still emotional people, although they will more likely express their emotions practically. For instance, they enjoy purchasing small gifts that their partners enjoy to demonstrate their love.

#3 Attracting an ISTJ

ISTJs enjoy a romantic partner that’s intelligent. Since ISTJs are very logical, common-sense types, they prefer an independent partner and also knows what he or she wants out of life. ISTJs love confident people and they also enjoy dating people that are willing to stand up for themselves. To the ISTJ, a robust and passionate person is extremely attractive, and that will often be enough to draw an ISTJ to you for those great question and answer sessions we mentioned earlier. ISTJs enjoy deep conversations, so they’ll want a partner that’s intelligent enough to talk to them for long periods. ISTJs often feel drained when they are around a lot of people, so they want somebody who won’t bore them. ISTJs do not enjoy being around overly emotional people, because they find emotions to be exhausting.

#4 Partners for the ISTJ

ISTJs are very logical people, so they enjoy being with a personality type that also uses a strong sensing function. That makes communication and a similar worldview between the ISTJ and his or her partner a real possibility, making the relationship a kind, smooth endeavor. ISTJs use their auxiliary function of extraverted thinking to make their decision, so they tend to be practical when it comes to relationships. ISTJs are typically interested in people that have introverted sensing as either a dominant or auxiliary function because this usually means they’ll share a similar worldview. If an ISTJ meets somebody that uses extraverted sensing, then the ISTJ may be more willing to step outside his or her comfort zone and grow. However, stepping out of one’s comfort zone won’t always be appealing to the ISTJ, but it will help the ISTJ to grow over time.

ISTJs do well with other personality types that utilize a feeling function for their auxiliary or dominant. Since ISTJs are sharp thinkers, they don’t often rely on or understand emotions. If an ISTJ can find a partner that does handle emotions better, they can learn from their partner and balance out their lack of feelings more successfully. That can also help make their relationship run smoothly because the ISTJ can learn from their partner how to deal with emotions.

ISTJs are dedicated to their partners when they get involved in a romantic relationship once they find their mate. Most single ISTJs desire to find their partner, and they’ll look for a person that has a traditional family value system. ISTJs make great spouses and parents, and they do a great job of helping the family feel safe and secure. While ISTJs aren’t as exciting as some other partners, they are dedicated, lifelong partners that will always be there for you.

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